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Sunday, June 5, 2011

SCALE MOVED and THANK YOU for the great advice!

I got up today and the scale said 189.5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is the FIRST time I've seen the scale read anything in the180's in about 15 years.  Seriously!  I still cannot believe it and fully expect tomorrow for the scale to read in the 190's again.  I'm a teensy bit dehydrated from drinking a little too many Orange Crush's Friday night so that's why I'm thinking that.  BUT how inspiring that feels!  Its been 2.5 weeks of doing all the right things and still weighing 192......its finally changed.

NSV - In preparation for my interview last Friday, I went to Talbot's to find a nice jacket to wear.  I ended up finding a great jacket that not only could I button but looked half decent in!  And it wasn't in the women's section!  I have big boobs so I bought a 16.  Then I saw some beautiful pants - the most gorgeous, soft, buttery linen pants.  I tried on 16's and they were to big!  Please no one tell me that Talbot's runs big - I want to enjoy the fact that I purchased 14's and they fit!  I then found another pair of the most beautiful, well made, soft, summery pants that remind me of being on vacation in St Tropez (not that I've ever been there but a girl can dream...).  Even though I don't have a job, I bought them anyway!

Thank you to everyone who gave me such great advice regarding my boss.  He has already written me one of the best reference letters on Linked In (hey are any of you all out there on Linked In?  We should link up!).  Lyla - I don't have concerns of retaliation, so that is truly a good thing.  Also - like you said - one of my friends said - hey - maybe you can get your retirement paid for! Ha!  Its not that kind of situation, really, but you're right - he's lucky as I could be a real b*&^ and file a lawsuit.    Christine - I think you are spot on about making sure I don't tell many people.  I only told my best friends and I agree that stuff will get around SO FAST!  I'm definitely keeping it to myself!  And Annie, I think you're right, he's probably more embarrassed than I am AND SHOULD BE!  Linda, Read, Jacquie, and Beth Ann - I'm going with what you all said - try to maintain professionalism, chalk it up to his having too much to drink and move on.  We even had plans to run a half marathon together - he's been giving me advice on running - not so sure I'll do that now - but we'll see!  Did you all see what Barbara commented?  I'd never heard it put this way but its so TRUE!  She said "There are more snakes in the garden than butterflies!"  I LOVE that!  I'm stealing your line Barbara!

But thanks you guys for all the great words of advice and your thoughts.  Helps me to know I'm not crazy!  Can I say one thing that I feel guilty admitting and would NEVER tell anyone?  I'm kinda flattered.  I know that's totally gross - but to even be 'considered' attractive feels good.  I'm not used to getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex and while its sick and twisted - I have to admit as I thought about it later I thought that I'm amazed that I would even be thought of in that way.  Does that make sense?  I sure hope it does and I don't sound desperate or immoral.  

I ran again today - 10 min walk, 20 min run, 10 min walk, 10 min run, 4 min walk, 10 min run.  That equals 4 miles on the boardwalk.  My older sister (the runner, athletic, never had weight issues) went with me and it felt good to keep the pace with her.  She runs EVERYDAY and has since we were teenagers.

I want to talk more about how some strange emotions I'm feeling - about feeling a little lost, a little inspired, a little demotivated, and feel the need to distance myself from my husband.  It feels scary and uncomfortable.  While I'm not a particularly emotional person - whatever that means - I've been feeling very inflective, a little mid-life crisis-ish perhaps?  I have these feeling about is this the life I really want that I have right now?  I'm turning 42 next week and is this the life that I dreamed of?  Have I done all the things I wanted to and is now the time for me to make those changes and become the person I always wanted?  As you all lost the weight and it started to show - did you go through this?  Did it affect your personal relationships?  How did you handle it and how did you end up on the other side of it?  Just a lot of thoughts going through my head and my heart that I need to sort out and want to share here.....

Have a great Sunday everyone!!!!

4 comments:

  1. Congrats on the weight loss!

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  2. Super congrats on getting into the 180's.. even if it flucuates do not fret!!! It means your body is ready to move again so a big HIGH FIVE to you!! and no, I do not think Talbot runs big.. so enjoy that size as you pass through..

    And LOL.. you can use any of my one liners, but becareful you might wind up a nut like me ..hugs

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  3. 1) yay to the 180s - I'm right where you are roughly though I've been stuck right here for. ever. and it's getting damn annoying - totally my own doing - but I totally think you are and have been inspiring me to get with the program and climb back on the horse and do what i need to be doing - i have a few good days under my belt - so that's for that.

    2) I can't remember if I posted this before and I'm totally not going back to find out but.... my next door neighbor hit on me as in backed me into a door and kissed me while his hands were all kinds of busy. He did this when I'd lost weight before and was probably 10lbs less than I am now. And it was terrible and oogy and a pita for a bunch of reasons - but... it was also totally flattering too. I completely get that!!!

    3) I just turned 45 and a few years ago I was having the same thoughts you are. I'm still having them - though I'm a little more clear about them now then I was then. I can't stay in my marriage the way it is now - I don't know what that means, and I truly hope it doesn't mean divorce - but - this is a great life, but not necessarily the one I want. And I think life's too important to settle when you are talking about the big stuff (however that's defined). Feel free to email me or IM me on Yahoo (shadoof41) if you'd ever like to just vent about this stuff!!

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  4. I love your positive attitude and the happiness really comes through for me. Such good positive motivation. Big hugs, girl!

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