I am going through a big transition in my work life right now. I am preparing to 'give up' my very lucrative (read I 'chose' my career for the money) job working in a world where I have a lot of people reporting to me and a lot of things that can go wrong if not constantly watched, balanced, monitored. I spend tons of time on conference calls and dealing with crisis that leave me working long hours in a highly stressful field.
I made a huge decision to stay at home for two years and completely change my life. I am afraid of giving up a job in a tough economy. Suze Orman would say I was nuts. But I want to completely change direction and spend time with my kids as they are still young. This means our family lifestyle will be much different than before - but I felt like I was wasteful and spent money foolishly because I, quite frankly, didn't have the time to search out good deals. I worked all the time. I didn't get to do things that bring me peace like crafting, knitting, painting, gardening, cooking, and decorating. I know I need to find balance and pursue the things that will truly make me happy. I don't know what I will do in 2 years from now but I do have faith that things always seem to have a way of working themselves out.
I think my weight gain had a lot to do with not only my very high stress level, but also my lack of fulfillment. I felt badly for not being able to spend much time truly being present with my kids. In the past, I was physically there, but my heart wasn't there. I didn't have the time to slow down and unwind before I was up and off to work again! I don't want my life to be defined by work - and I realized that is what was happening to me. I could barely remember the last 10 years and that was frightening! In 10 more years, I didn't want to look back and feel the same way.
I know that life can be short - and I also know that everyone has to work these days. I plan to pursue a job in a couple of years, but it will be a job where I work to live and not live to work. There is a huge difference.
I plan to be much more active in life - do things outdoors, go to the beach, go camping, grow a vegetable and flower garden, take pictures, take my son kayaking and surfing, take my daughter to the park. I know life isn't always rosy and I know I have a very idealized version of what I want it to be like - but that's just what I'm shooting for. I know life happens in the meantime and kids drive you crazy and you get sick of pulling weeds out of the garden just like you get sick of dealing with the same old stuff at work.
I'm simply in pursuit of balance and this blog chronicles my hits and misses while trying to figure that out.
*Updated 6/1/11: I did accept severance and am enjoying 5 weeks off between starting a new job locally. I'm focusing on myself, on exercise, on eating clean, and enjoying life. I feel so much happier, I was able to accept a nice severance pkg and pick up with a job that is a promotion at a new company doing basically the same thing I did before. I manage a technical help desk for data warehousing and application troubleshooting/support consisting of about 300 people.
I am determined to bring balance to my new job and if I cannot do that, I will make the tough decision to go somewhere else and take a job doing something else that allows me that. I don't want to be a career woman that sells her soul to her job (been there/done that!) I think I can do it and I'm going to give it a whirl. The good habits for exercise I'm incorporating into my life now, I want to make a priority and keep! I FINALLY broke through a year long plateau after I finally accepted severance. It was a spiritual, mental, and physical breakthrough to finally have the next few years figured out for myself and stop operating from a place where my future was unknown. I know that had a lot to do with it.
I now weigh 187.5 and am BLISSFUL and AMAZED that I made it here! I'm finally in control of my eating - I can eat anything - ANYTHING - but I'm no longer eating emotionally and since I am not hungry, I'm able to really pay attention and control my calories. That's what is working for me right now. When I was too tight before, I ate from a place of panic. I didn't like not being able to eat certain things. Its different for everyone, I'm the slowest loser of all, but I'm also proof that the magic '2 year' mark is ONLY A STATISTIC! I'm living proof of that! Wooohooo!