I'm not going to run the half marathon in Sept

My sister called me and let me know she can't run the half marathon with me because she has 'water on the knee'.  Basically that means she has fluid around her knee and now her doctor says she has to stay off of it.  She runs everyday and very physcially fit - and we had planned to run it together.  I'm actually relieved because I still can't run past 4 miles in an hour. I've been having a hard time running at all with my knees even with the new running shoes and knee brace.  I'm exhausted after an hour of run/walking and can't imagine over 3 hours of it to complete 13.1 miles.  Last year was torture and I walked all of it.  I'd like to do it next year and run some small races in between.  I can only imagine what running would be like with less weight to carry along!

On the home decorating front, I bought this at Target yesterday.  Not too bad for 29.00.  I'd been eyeing it for sometime and when I went in, it was the last one, so I decided not to continue to pass it by.  It just seems to fit well on that table with my lovely orchid.  The picture I posted yesterday is one of the blooms on the plant.  I'm really amazed at how easy it is to take care of that beautiful plant.  I'm not sure if I'll leave it there or bring it upstairs to my bedroom.  It would be an exotic addition to a bedroom don't you think? wink!  I like the tropical/bali or that british carribean look.  I have the british classics by Ethan Allen as my bedroom furniture so I think this will fit in nicely.  Especially after I pick up the clothes I have separated into light/dark/brights for washing that I've not done yet!  I also just need to get rid of stuff, so I'm going to go through my clothes and just streamline them down.  I have too many clothes that I just don't like but am afraid to get rid of b/c I think someday I'll look good in them.

Gained 2.5 this week on vacation

Which isn't bad considering how much I can eat and that we've eaten out almost all week. I fully realize now that I don't have any restriction really - I can eat the cup amount and can feel it go past the band and into my stomach. I'm going to make an appointment next week for a small fill.
This week also we've made it a point to try to use up all our gift cards to different places. We have gotten so many over time and just haven't used them - like many other people. I keep mine organized in a business card folio so I can flip through them easily. I also keep little slips of paper on the back of the card noted with the balance on the card. We've eaten out for 'free' just about every night this week!
Tonight is "Japanese" night. My son loves sushi (and so do I!) so we're breaking out my Japanese tea set, and having sushi, egg rolls, and won ton soup. I let my son come up with the menu. We also made really cute fake sushi using rice krispi treats (as the rice), gummy worms (the tuna), and fruit roll ups (as the seaweed). We plan to 'fake out' Dad since Dad hates sushi. Here is how we plated it before we served it to him:

No before pictures

You know, I've been looking at everyone's posts - and I need a picture of myself when I was not overweight. Here's the crazy part - I have them BUT it was before the digital picture world even existed. I'd have to scan them in its so long ago!!! How sad! When I got married, 15 yrs ago, I weighed about 170. I reached my highest weight after my son was born, 8 yrs ago, lost weight, got in shape and down to about 200 when I got pg with my daughter. I worked out the entire time and only gained 20lbs. Then slowly, I gained 25 lbs from being lazy and not working out anymore or eating right which puts me right about HERE! In all my skinny pictures, I have REALLY big hair! LOL. I think that would overshadow all my skinny-ness, you guys wouldn't be able to get past all the hair to see my svelte self! I'm going to have to break down and scan some at work next week when I get back in the office..... P.S. My hair was eerily similar to Jon Bon Jovi's - as in THIS picture! ahhhhhhhh!

Vacation and need a fill

I'm having my morning coffee and typing this today. I'm on vacation this week with my family. We got back yesterday from an overnight trip to a theme park. My son feels like its a real vacation if we stay in a hotel and since we decided to drive 3 hours, we thought it would be fun to do that. So this week we're going to kayak, go south to Hatteras and go fishing, and do whatever else we feel like sounds good. I'm trying to spend less money like everyone else and so we're doing the 'staycation' deal.

Its kind of nice, I keep wondering what it would be like to stay home for a year or so if I get laid off. I wouldn't stay home for good, I know that - but it would be nice to stay home for a year or so and play Martha Stewart. I wonder if I would lose weight faster/easier if I didn't work. I'm not sure. Being so busy keeps me from eating all day, but I do have a very high stress job. On the other hand, I've recognized that I eat a lot to get that cozy, home-y, secure feeling. I constantly cook and try to feed my family. It always astounds me that they just leave it behind when they're full but I keep eating. I have this need to be 'home' and create this 'home' feeling for my family, but I also know the only one who really needs this is me! I'm trying to give myself that cozy, warm, family environment that I grew up with and I feel a lot of guilt that I'm not giving that to my family b/c I'm rarely home in time for dinner due to my job. Eating dinner together every night is so important to me b/c I always had that growing up. I want to give my kids what I had growing up, my mom cooked amazing southern foods every night growing up (she stayed at home) I remember big cozy chairs, the fire was always going and it was so wonderful. I know to make myself feel better, I need to re-create that in my home, maybe just on Sat and Sundays! I do that now, but my kitchen/house set up isn't 'cozy' to me yet - its not finished. I need a couple of beautiful cozy chairs by the fireplace, I need to complete my bedroom makeover, and I need to finish decorating my living room and my daughter's bedroom. I've worked so much for so many years that I've neglected doing what I love - which includes decorating my home.

I'm also going to do something that probably sounds really selfish and lazy to some - I'm going to hire someone to regularly clean my house. I get about 3 hours home each evening, and then I have Saturdays and Sundays at home. It takes me about 4 hours to clean my house on the weekend and that's not including washing clothes, grocery shopping, etc. That leaves me hardly any time for kid events, playing with the kids and enjoying my spouse. I just feel like it would be money well spent b/c it would buy my back more time with my family. I always feel stressed when my house is messy and cluttered and it would be great to be left with the surface cleaning and not the deep cleaning. Well see how that search goes....

In the meantime, I've started with bringing my home together and 'finishing' it decor-wise. Here's 2 lamps I bought at Pier 1 Imports yesterday:

Thank you for the ideas and encouragement

Today, I'm 223. STILL!! When is the sun going to shine down on me and get this weight loss moving?! I really appreciate the comments to my last post. You guys have *every* idea of just how frustrated I feel and I want to say thank you so very much for taking the time to post a comment for me. You know how down you can feel and I just can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I realize all of you are right. I need a fill probably, I need to drink water, and I need to measure myself. My clothes do fit differently, but not enough to be a new size.

I didn't work out today b/c I was down about this. Poor reason, I know. Yesterday, I was just so exhausted - did only 45 mins total of elliptical and 3.5MPH walking on incline b/c I was just so tired. My abs are so sore from the workout with my trainer on Tue. I didn't get home from work last night until 9pm - a full 12 hour day. yuck. I'm going on vacation next week and dontcha just hate it when you have to practically kill yourself just to line things up so that everything doesn't implode while you're gone?

I got my hair cut today and highlighted. That always feels good. I just couldn't help looking in the mirror with my hair all wet covered in that black cape thing they put on you. I felt like a big blob. I know I gave my haircut girl a definite leg workout trying to pump the chair up higher b/c of my fat butt! Oh good grief. I'm being so negative. Gotta stop that!

My 15th wedding anniversary is next Wednesday. I can't believe it that I've been married that long. I got married when I was 25. I still feel 25 inside. We don't have any real plans. We're so busy and tired from the kids - Busy Bee's terrible two's have really kept us constantly on the move. Just surviving the day of work, then the work when you get home to get ready for the next day of work is an accomplishment. That perpetual loop! I don't know what to get him - we're not terribly big on that stuff anyway. It just seems like since its our 15th - its significant. Maybe this slump and negativity is because I really thought I'd look so much different by now. You know how you plan out what you'll lose and how you'll look by this date or that? I'm nowhere so its disappointing. Its a good lesson, I guess. That this band is not a miracle cure, and if you don't sincerely work for it, its not going to happen. And only I am responsible for the choices I make to eat/not eat or to work out or not. Gotta keep going. Thank goodness there is such a wonderful group of people out there in blogland. You guys make the difference. Thank you.

What am I doing wrong?

I worked out with the trainer after work. I'd missed Sat, Sun, & Mon so I'm glad I got my butt to the gym like I'm supposed to. Once I go back, I always seem to be more inclined to keep it going and goodness knows I need to.
I still have not lost any weight. *sigh* Am I totally doing this wrong? I think I may be eating too much.
Bfast: banana (90cal) & Starbucks coffee with splenda and approx 3T Half and half (40cal).
Lunch: Lean Cuisine lemon grass chicken - (240 cal)
Snack: Organic Apricot fruit leather (40 cal)
Dinner: 1.5 cups pasta, chicken, peppers, tomatoes (400cal). V8 splash (70cal)
I plan to eat some fat free Dannon yogurt in a bit and finish the day around 1000 cal. I have been averaging 1200-1400 cals on most days - this is an abnormally low cal day.
Workout: 60 mins with personal trainer various exercises/weights - medium intensity.
Weight: 223.5
I'm going to keep posting and ask you all to tell me what you're eating on a normal day. I'm going to go back as far as I need to on your blogs to learn what you're eating and how much you're exercising. I'm going to learn from you guys!
I don't have a nutritionist nor a doctor - only a fill center - b/c I had surgery in Mexico - in case you're wondering!

Got my stiches out!

My doctor removed the stitches from behind my neck and on my side this afternoon. What a relief. I'm so happy to have that nylon thread out - my skin was starting to react to the nylon and I felt instant relief getting them outta there! I still have to be careful - esp when working out - b/c I could still re-open the incision behind my neck if I'm not careful. Dr. said its not uncommon b/c there is so much skin stress - just from looking down. ANYHOO - I'm sure you want to hear all about that grossness.
On to a frugal note - I tried my hand at triple couponing this weekend. I'm one of those people who just love to find a designer gem at TJ MAXX and generally just love getting a good deal. I'm trying to work on my budget since I think I'll likely be laid off from my job in 6mos to a year. I manage a pretty large call center - and while I've been employed with the 'same' company for 16 years, this last buyout means many corporate positions are being eliminated and many positions out in the field (like mine). Also, I'm the main breadwinner in my family. My husband has always worked, I just make quite a bit more than him. I'm telling you all this so I can explain that we're trying to live off just his salary so we can save, pay off our house, and allow me to be a stay at home mom. I would LOVE that. So, I'm trying to learn how do to that thing those talented women do - where they go to the grocery store and spend like a quarter on a cart full of groceries.
Harris Teeter has triple coupons all week, so I cut those suckers out and got some great deals! I don't have it all figured out, but I did save $30 - so my 100.00 grocery bill was $70. Not too bad! I'm also working hard to use up all the stuff in my pantry and freezer. I'm great at making freezer meals and I want to get better at that also. So if anyone knows of any great freezer meal sites - let me know!

My workout music

Someone asked if I would post some of my workout music - I was also reading through Chronicles of Bandland Catherine's blog and see that she posted some of her music recently also. So, I thought I'd post mine to share if anyone needs some new workout music ideas. Now I must PREFACE that my taste in music is....um....uh.....eclectic? What I mean is that I guess I like fast music and its very diverse. Curse words and lewd lyrics don't bother me - so I'm apologizing now for some "mature" language in some of the music. Ok, so enough justification for any offense caused by any lewd, curse-word laden, or angry music. See, now that you're a little scared, you won't be shocked and you'll see my music really isn't THAT bad:

1. Holla Back Girl - Gwen Stefani

2 Lose Control - Missy Elliottt

3. Do Somethin (remix) - Britney Spears (I know! THAT's scary! LOL) 'Toxic' is also good.

4. Cold Hard Bitch - Jet

5. Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyes Peas

6. What's my name again? - Blink 182

7. Girl at the rock show - Blink 182

8. Everytime I look for you - Blink 182

9. Know your enemy - Green Day

10. Sugar - Kid Rock

11. Rock and Roll Jesus - Kid Rock

12. Bawitadaba - Kid Rock

13. C'mon ride it (the train) - Quad city DJs

14. If I want to - Usher (&Justin Timberlake)

14. Vertigo - U2

13. What comes around goes around - Justin Timberlake (cool down song)

14. Magnificent - U2 (cool down song)

Down for the first time - 222.5

I got down to 221.5 two days ago - but today I'm 222.5! YAY - after that harrowing day Monday where the scale actually showed 227! Shew that was scary! Crazy Chinese food made that happen!

I went out with friends Thursday night instead of meeting my trainer, but I made up for it yesterday and did 40 mins on the elliptical, 5 mins walking. I switched out to the elliptical on Monday because my knee was bothering me so much when I attempted to run. Since the elliptical is less impact - I worried I wouldn't get my heart rate up. But it did.

I need some new work out music. Right now I'm listening to some good fast songs from Kid Rock's newest CD. I've also downloaded some good remixes on Limewire. I like fast music when I'm working out and I'm just tired of the same old stuff....

So I made it back to exercise and gained? What?

I skipped working out this weekend, and did work out with the personal trainer last night and ran/walked 30mins today on the treadmill, then 20 mins on the elliptical. My knee was bothering me so much, I tried the elliptical - and I was able to keep my heart rate up (and sweat) without the impact. I may switch to elliptical for 30-40 mins and try to run/walk for 30. So I'm glad I got that out the way so I can feel like I'm back on the wagon.

I can't wait to get these stupid stitches out of my neck and side. When I sweat, it feel gross, and I can't look down b/c the stitches stop me. Anyway, they're coming out on Monday. yay!

So I didn't post for a few days b/c I got really discouraged. I ate Chinese food Sun night (I really have no restriction anymore) and weighed myself Monday and it said 227! I gained 4lbs overnight? Did the sodium really do that? Next day, 224.5 which is still high for me. This totally sucks! Why have I been limiting my calories and working out for the last 4 weeks again??!!

Today I weighed in at 223 again. Thank goodness. Its SO WEIRD how you KNOW you shouldn't let that stupid scale affect you - intellectually I can do that. But EMOTIONALLY to work so hard and still not see any progress, now that's a different story.

So on Sunday, Mr. Cupcakes and I took the Entrepreneur and BusyBee to the local water park. I hated how I felt I looked, I kept myself mostly under wraps even though its was a THOUSAND FREAKIN degrees! I need be more like Amy (Sunkist&Cheese Amy) and not let that stuff keep me from living life. I'm a lot older than she is, but that chick has it figured out at a young age! Here's a pic of BusyBee enjoying the sunshine!

You know I wonder what my husband thought of me when he saw me in the pools with my daughter. From a distance he could see me practically naked along with a lot of other practically naked women. There were all kinds of other women there, of course, some looked awesome, some more overweight than I. I wonder where I stand in his eyes on that spectrum. I know he will never tell me - but I still wonder what he really sees. I know he doesn't mind my weight, he's told me so, and I know that he is very attracted to me, no problems there. I'm also a pretty secure person - I still wonder......he probably only saw my boobs and nothing else. Aren't all men like that anyway? Women sure aren't - Mr. Cupcakes is 'normal' - and he always looks good to me compared and not compared. We women have such a longer personal list of physical characteristics, don't we? For them its just boobs or butt or both. *sigh* Thank God 'cuz I've got the boobs and the butt - I love my simple man!

Still 223

I got on the scale and I still weigh 223. I didn't exercise yesterday in fear of causing some problem with pulling a stitch or something. I did an hour Mon, Tue, & Wed, skipped Thu and Fri now, so that means I'll run/walk today and tomorrow to reach my weekly goal of working out 5 days. I'm sure the 2 day rest didn't help my metabolism, but I'll get back on the treadmill today. Its supposed to be CRAZY hot today - its been so humid, its hard to do anything outside.

Here's pictures of how my incisions/stitches are healing:

Please excuse the leopard-print bra there!
And this one is on the back of my neck. It bothers me most b/c when I look up, down, left, right - it stings and reminds me its there! I have to have these darn stitches for 14 days!! I don't know whey they didn't just glue it like Dr. Ortiz did. That seemed to work pretty well.

I also went to Barnes and Noble yesterday and bought a new little book to track my eating. I can throw it in my purse and take it anywhere. They've have a ton of absolutely gorgeous ones - I just like the mini's. They come from: paperblanks.com I absolutely love CalorieCount's website - I've used them since the original 2 guys created the site - before they sold it to 'about.com' It got even better when 'about.com' bought it - they added a lot of reporting capabilities that I like a lot. But the mobile capabilities of the site need improvements - its just too cumbersome on my cell phone - so I'll use this mini book until I get back to my office or home to log what I've done.

I've also been thinking that I'm going to try to incent myself to work harder. I had very little restriction yesterday - I can always eat whatever I wanted, but I was hungry a lot of the day and used will power to resist. I think the pain meds were dampening my appetite. I just don't want to get another fill until I've accomplished SOME weight loss. I don't want to go back to where I got my first fill (on April 30th - 1.8cc) with NOTHING to show for it. Now that I'm doing this right (exercising and watching my diet carefully) I want to see if I can lose any. I don't want to be in that horrible place where I can't eat anything.

So, I've thought about it and a fun incentive I think is that I'm going to build myself a Pandora bracelet with my accomplishments. I'm thinking about different colored murano glass beads for 5lbs, 10lbs, 20lb milestones. Do you incent yourself with anything?

Testing how long I can go without eating

I tested yesterday and today how long in the a.m. I could actually go without eating (doesn't include coffee). I've been reading on so may blogs that many Dr's recommend eating as late in the day as possible for that first meal. Today and yesterday, I didn't eat breakfast at all, I only had coffee and I was fine. I'm surprising myself at how I'm really not *hungry* physically, or even if I am a little bit, its nothing that is intolerable. Like so many of us, a lot of this hunger is head hunger/comfort eating.
My stitches on my neck and side feel so much better than they did yesterday. I need to schedule a follow up appt so the Dr can take the stitches out. I'm still concerned about the back of my neck - there is just so much black nylon thread back there I'm hoping it just looks worse than it is. I feel good enough to exercise - the burning sensations from the incisions are gone and I'm completely off the Oxycontin. That's some crazy stuff! I can't believe I had to take 2 at a time on Wed b/c it hurt so much. I feel so much better/clearer -like I've come out of a dense fog- since I stopped taking it!
I weighed myself yesterday, and the stupid scale said 224.5 - what the heck? This a.m. it said 223.5 (obviously water) and just I weighed myself again and I'm at 223.0 in the middle of the day. I just want to know when this exercise and low calorie intake is going to start moving on the scale? I've been working out consistently for 3.5 weeks now. I've been watching what I eat for the same amount of time. I've completely cut out ice cream and chocolate. I'm eating between 1200-1400 cal per day (tracking on calorie count website - I LOVE that website!). I've honestly not budged AT ALL.
I know I need to keep going, and I will, but am I the only person on the planet with the band that its not working for? I get so motivated by the blogs I'm visiting - I just want to see something move on the scale! Rationally, I know I'm working out, I know it could be muscle .....blah blah blah. Are my clothes getting looser? No, not really. Have I taken my measurements? No, I haven't. Do I have a sucky attitude right now? Well now there's finally a YES! Yes, I do!
So, I'm going to take my measurements, I'm going to post them on that side bar - and I'm also going to take some really embarrassing pictures of myself in my underwear. I'll have to make sure I find the outfit that I really want to look good in and use that to track my progress. I'd better do it now, before I chicken out again. I'm so impressed by all you men and women out there who are not afraid and you share your before/after pictures - especially the 'before's' where you really hate your self. I think I've been waiting to post my 'before' pictures until I can actually have an 'after' to compare it to so I can say - "see? I know I looked horrible - that wasn't the real me - and so look at me now! That before was only temporary!" Only problem is, I've not got a an 'after' yet. So I need to drag myself and the camera to the bathroom mirror and own up to my 'before' self. Stay tuned....

So BusyBee loves to take pictures. Although she is only 2 yrs old, she simply loves taking pictures and I have to be careful to not leave the cameras lying around and she will swipe one, take a million pictures and then bury it in her sandbox. So far, we've not gotten to the sandbox step yet - I've always caught her with it and sneaked it back away from her. I do love looking at them, mostly of her finger covering the lens, but every so often I get to see the world from her eyes, her perspective.

For example, I've never seen the underside of my coffee table before, well thanks to her I know what it looks like. Another case in point, this is how she sees her mommy and her daddy. Wow, I guess if you never let anyone take pictures of you, you have nothing to deny that is proof of how much weight you've gained. While this picture is blurry (thanking the lucky stars all my excess is not in crystal clear focus) it made me realize, wow, I really need to get this hard work done. I'm glad I'm already rolling - but I'm ready to commit myself to this for real this time.

Why Cozy? and a new Cookbook

I ordered this cookbook on Amazon and it arrived yesterday. Its called Falling Cloudberries by Tessa Kiros. I ordered it b/c it was featured, to my surprise, in House Beautiful magazine. I had been wanting to order it based on how much I enjoyed Tessa Kiros' other cookbook that I own: Apples for Jam. The recipes are simple, simple ingredients, and the great results remind me of how my mom and grandma used to cook - only with a more European flair. I guess you could say its comfort food but with a great mix of origins from many countries. There were so many great reviews of Falling cloudberries, but at first pass, I'm not sure I'm sold on it. The ingredients are more unique and harder to find. But I will try a few recipes to see if I'm just not giving it a fair chance. There are a ton of recipes in there and the pictures are gorgeous. Its sort of like looking at her family tree and its as if she is sharing all her best family recipes in a very honest and humble way. One thing I know about myself is that its what I call the "cozy" factor - the comfort food factor - that has gotten me to the weight I'm at. I love all things cozy. It wasn't until the last few years that I really realized it. When I thought about all the things I love the most - the common denominator was COZY. For example, I love a rainy day b/c I can light a candle, curl up on the couch with a cozy blanket, sip coffee and watch a movie. I love to knit - a cozy habit knitting cozy garments like scarves, sweaters, baby booties and soft warm blankets (cozy, cozy, cozy and more cozy). I love collecting coffee mugs - and drinking coffee - (again cozy). I love fire in the fireplace on a cold evening and a fire on the deck in the middle of summer roasting marshmallows. Most of all I love cozy food. My favorites are making soup (comfort food) potatoes (prepared any way), macaroni and cheese (rustic, gourmet kind), and anything in a crock pot. See what I mean? Everything is soft, warm, cozy that I love the most. So how do I satisfy that need for cozy when a cozy lifestyle (sitting for hours knitting isn't great exercise) and eating cozy food ('nuf said) lends itself to a soft and cozy body? You get a lap band! So, when I ordered the new cookbook, in order to get free shipping, I also ordered a subscription to "Clean Eating" magazine. I eat 'clean' for the most part - meaning I eat a little processed food as possible and try to eat fresh food. Sometimes, that's just downright impossible - but I lean, at least, in that general direction. If you like simple recipes with basic ingredients made mostly of fresh veg/fruit/etc. you'll like this magazine. I'm going to also give it a go and I'll let you know if every issue is as good as the one I bought in the bookstore the other day.

Minor Surgery today.

First I have to share this pic of the Entrepreneur and Busy Bee. I have to catch the times they are actually being nice to each other when I can on camera.

So, I had a sebaceous cyst on the back of my neck removed as well as a peculiar cyst on my right side (just below my bra strap) removed also today. I took a picture of the back of my neck with my camera phone to see what it looked like b/c I could only feel it and it felt really strange - like there were a lot of stitches there or something. Well, the picture makes it look Horrible! I have a major headache but I am glad that the big knot on the back of my neck is gone. Also the one on my side which would always swell up and was very painful every time I got my period. That one worried me but to my relief it was a sebaceous cyst as well. No big deal.

The thing that bothers me the most, is the scars I will have on the back of my neck and side. Scars from the lap band surgery are truly minimal, but as we all know, they're upper front and center of 'our' abdomens. And I'm not terribly vain, its just scattered scars all over my abdomen bothers me for some reason. And now I'll have one across the back of my neck and another to add to the collection on my abdomen. If I ever got a tummy tuck, those scars would likely end up right in the middle. hmm. Oh well, its not the end of the world, just a quirk that bothers me personally mostly, I think b/c I don't want people asking me what the scars are from.

I think its interesting that there is lap band surgeries where they go down your throat and so there is no cutting on your stomach from the outside.

So as much as I didn't want to get up and run/walk on the treadmill today, before the surgery, I got my big ol butt up and DID IT! So proud of myself for that. AND I was able to run a little bit longer at a higher pace - 4.5 and 4.7 mph instead of the 4.0 I was doing. Also I had to do it without eating anything or drinking anything all morning (couldn't b/c of the surgery). I cheated and HAD to have some skim milk, but without eating I was surprised at how good I felt. It was about 10am - but I really didn't have terrible hunger. Thirst was another story - but this is teaching me how I need to pay more attention and I really CAN eat less and not feel starving or shaky hungry and head ache-y.

My DH and I went to lunch afterwards - it was around 3pm and we went to my favorite place - had half the fajitas and a few chips with salsa. I LOVE salsa and guacamole. We then picked my son, The Entrepreneur, from summer camp and went to Target to fill my prescription. I picked up a Starbucks which made me very happy. I am now on oxy-contin and its helping with my headache. So I'm thinking about the calories I consumed, and I'm thinking about how much less I need to be eating. I am able to eat WAY too much, but I am not having anywhere near the 'getting stuck' issues I had before. OH! and the medical scale at the surgery center had me at 222.8. That was nice to see. All this running might really be working!

My surgeon said I couldn't run for 5 days. WHATever. I may not run tomorrow, but I'm running on Fri and Sat. I need the metabolism boost/calorie burn. I do have stitches in my side and on the back of my neck, but I don't want to stop exercising. I don't want to lose this momentum!

I'm really inspired again - and I've found some great blogs. Better than what I've been getting on the lap band forum. I especially enjoy "http://cheeseandsunkist.blogspot.com/" and "http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/" I'm also looking at their links and will add them to mine soon.

Learning what it feels like to be full

I was able to eat anything I wanted this evening for dinner. I was starving and I ate tortellini with red pasta sauce. I ate a lot of it. I was very hungry b/c I got home from work at 7pm, and ran/walked for an hour. I only had oatmeal (not instant) and 2 slices of turkey for lunch. I ate an apple on the way home from work. I felt satisfied, not necessarily full after the 2 slices of turkey. I'm really trying to eat the protein first. Overall I ate well, I'm fighting not eating something really sweet like I want right now. Peanut butter, ice cream, chocolate - any of that will do. But I'm resisting and filling myself with more pasta sauce b/c it has large pieces of lean hamburger (protein). I always give in. Cravings are supposed to pass right? That's what I keep reading.

I'm glad I worked out today. I went to a running store on Sunday and bought some Brooks running shoes. Expensive, they were $99, and I'm not entirely sure they feel great when I run. I'll give them another few runs to see if they work well. I'm trying to train myself for a half marathon the first week of September. Its 4 weeks away and I can only run 15 mins at a time. Today and Saturday, I couldn't make it the full 15 mins. I had to walk after 10 mins after the second run segment. I did increase the pace to 4.5 mph - which was difficult. I also bought a knee brace to try to alieve the stress on my injured knee. That worked well even though it was hot and bulky. I can't believe how much I sweat when I run. Seriously. Now if I can only keep it up for another 3 times this week.

I have to have some minor surgery to have a cyst removed from the back of my neck and another from my side. I hope its simple enough to not hold me back from exercising properly this week. I want to get it done this week - 5x this week. I'll keep you posted to see if I can actually make this happen this week.

I thought it would be easier

I was banded 3/9/09 in Mexico. I am a professional who works full-time and tries to balance excelling at work with my desire to be like Martha Stewart at home. I love crafts, cooking, creativity, and all things cozy but also love the fruits that work life brings to me and my family. I have 2 kids, the Entrepreneur and Busy Bee. I am married to pretty darn amazing man who somehow meets my demanding needs and demanding needs of the kids too. He does more at home than I do - mostly because I work longer hours and try to fit in work-outs 5x per week.

I've decided to start the blog b/c its been hard for me to find the detail of information that I feel like I need to discover the secret to success. I have lost only 10lbs since I was banded - and I've only had one fill - in June - 3 mos after I was banded. I have 1.8 ccs in my band - and I'm at a place where I can eat anything I want and can eat a little too much but that is dependant completely on the mood of my band.

When I say the mood of my band, I am tighter in the a.m., drinking or eating warm things like coffee, hot oatmeal and he like relax the band and I can eat almost anything. Stress definitely causes more restriction for me. I cannot drink sodas or beer - sodas I don't miss, Corona, now that's a different story.

I've been working out now - since we all know that's what we need to do to lose weight - for about 3 weeks. I'm working out with a trainer 2x per week for 60mins and I am run/walking for 60 mins about 2-3 times per week. Right now I walk for 10mins, run for 15, walk for 5, run for 15, then walk the last 15.

The other thing, I'm doing wrong is I am drinking while eating. At first, I know it was because I felt like I missed food. I was really upset that I couldn't enjoy food like I had and I really don't want to give up the pleasure I feel when I get a well cooked, cozy meal. I basically just ate what I wanted and didn't watch my portions. I definitely eat slower, I have just found that I grazed now which made up for the smaller portions I was forced into b/c of the band. Looking back, I honestly felt in the first few months like it was more of a curse than the best thing that's happened to me like most other people. I didn't enjoy eating (like I was used to) and while I consciously knew this is what I signed up for (paid in full myself for), there were still many unknowns since this banding seems to be quite personal for everyone.

Oh, the think I'm always interested in is where people start and where they're trying to get to. So let me admit, right here in blogland, in writing, for all the world to see just how out of control I am with my weight. I weigh 224 right now, I weighed 236 the week before surgery. I lost 10lbs on he pre-op diet, got down to 218 then gained to 224. I was 228 when I got my first fill, 3 mos after getting banded and now 2 mos later I'm 224.

I am now committed to tracking my calories, eating the protein first so that it fills my stomach. I'm learning. I'm also learning from many other blogs out there that my failure isn't isolated. And I'm not a failure yet - even thought I thought I was. I realized I'm just not doing what I'm supposed to and this band isn't magic. I'm pretty smart at outsmarting the band and as a result, I'm not losing weight. Well, I plan to do it now - and I'm learning what I'm supposed to be doing. Even if I'm successful, I'm going to give it one hell of a good (and honest) try.