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Thursday, September 10, 2009

Going to get a 2nd fill - I'm up again

Well I haven't posted in a few days b/c I really couldn't believe my weight was back up the same 2 pounds I was celebrating previously. I'm right back to that darn 223 up from 220. I have not exercised in 5 days because of my back and I've not been making the time I should be making for it. My stress level is way up at work, but I'm not sure if its up b/c I'm not exercising or if its up b/c of the new issues at work.
Its becoming more clear to me that we are inching close to closing our center at work. The writing on the wall is becoming more clear. Good thing I have a plan and have had a solid savings plan in place for years now. Its gets depressing/scary some days b/c I've been at this employer for over 16 years now. I've only worked at 2 places my whole life (real jobs not high school jobs) and I do like what I do and what I get paid. Anyway, stay tuned on that front. We'll see what happens and I think I know more around December.
As for the fill, I've gained the weight back and I'm definitely able to eat more. I'm torn between my lack of control and what I keep seeing on everyone else's blogs about how much they eat. I eat more than you guys and I struggle to keep it below 1200 calories. I can eat an entire Lean Cuisine, and while I can't explain it well, I get full at first, sometimes even get stuck. But after about 6-7 mins, I can feel the band losen up, the food passes it, and I'm able to eat ANYTHING I want. When I am weak, I end up eating too much. If I could just stick to chicken, with no drinking, I'm probably just right b/c it allows me a lot of control b/c I can eat more in settings where I choose to. Especially around my family and friends. None of them know I have the band - so that's handy to be able to eat what I want when I want to. But I am simply not dropping the weight. I'm not showing that I have control. I'm good at the exercising - but I think I need this 2nd fill. Its been 2.5 months since I had a fill - and at that time it was my first fill since the surgery. Sooooo, I'm afraid. I'm afriad of not enjoying my food b/c I am not able to eat enough of it. Silly, I know, but its honest.
Have a great day my friends!


  1. ACK!!! I hated that whole - I can eat too much and haven't got restriction.. welcome to what we bandsters call "Bandster Hell" It's a really crappy place to be.
    You know, if I could say one thing, it's that you WILL get restriction and you WILL start to drop the weight but it takes a few months (and quite a few fills!) It takes time to sneak up on that level where you're eating less, fuller for longer, and just losing full stop. The pits for sure. Try to be patient. It will start to drop, I see it on the horizon.

  2. Although I'm no expert (I'm not even banded yet!), I'm sure getting a fill will help. From what I've read, once you get the whole restriction thing down the band really becomes your friend.

  3. Cara - thanks for always understanding and for such a thoughtful response. I appreciate the words of encouragement and hope! :)
    ANd thanks Robyn - I know you're right! Thanks for the positive words!


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