Am I ready for a 2nd fill?

You all know I've been contemplating this one and know that I need a 2nd fill, but the 2 yr old in me "I can do it myself"  and lose weight just like I am today with one fill always seems to dissuade me.  I know I need another fill if I want to see any changes so I called, made a fill appt for this Friday at 12:30pm.  I forgot that we planned to go apple picking this weekend with the kids and go to a 'fall festival' in the mountains.  My mom also called today and told me she could go with us, which I'm very happy about!  Here's the dilemma.  I suspect I'll be very, very tight and need to be on liquids and I'm afraid to eat that way in front of my mom and b/c she doesn't know about my band, she'll think something is wrong with me.  I'm also afraid of not enjoying some 'fall festival' food like hot cider and caramel apples!  Not to mention our food choices will be limited during meal times and I just don't know what to expect.  I think I should call and change the appt to Monday instead.  Think I'll do that.....
On another note - I went to get my annual MRI (precautionary high breast cancer risk) and for the FIRST time I had to write down on paper that I had an 'implant.'  I know this is insignificant to many of you - but for some reason it was a BIG deal to me to write that down and have other people know.  Its not come up in any of my dr appts - and I didn't write it down when I had that minor out-patient surgery a few mos ago.  Today I did write it down.  The nurse barely said anything about it just confirmed it as she was scanning my history prior to the MRI.  Am I ashamed of my band?  No.  I'm actually quite proud that I have made a conscious choice to DO something that is a productive step towards better health.  I am lowering my cancer risk by dropping this weight and I am proud that I'm doing something about that.  I am absolutely NOT ashamed NOR feel like this is in any way the 'easy' way out.  It surprises me everyday how difficult this really is.  No matter how much you read before hand - seeing people drop a hundred pounds in a year is really awe inspiring - and knowing just how much of the WORK is on the person and not the band is still eye opening to me. 

50 ways to soothe yourself without food

I was browsing (distracted/sucked into) Amazon.com and you know how they recommend books for you based on your browsing history?  Well this one popped up and it looks pretty interesting to me.  Its called "50 ways to soothe  yourself without food" by Susan Albers PSY.D.  There are no reviews on this book yet so I'm not going to purchase it just yet.  I read Judith Beck's "The Beck Diet Soluion" and it talks about an overall cognitive behavioral approach to eating.  I know a lot of people really like that book and I understand why.  It just didn't do it for me personally.  Not because its not well written or have good ideas in it, it just didn't click for me and I lost interest in the book and the approach.  Another weight loss doctor who posts videos on Youtube said something that clicked for me.  She said to write down 100 small things - like "plant one flower" or "read one page from a book" or other small actions.  Write them down on small slips of paper and put the papers in a jar.  Each time you have the urge to eat and you know you shouldn't or may not be truly hungry - draw a slip of paper from the jar and do that one action.  Typically, by the time you're done, the urge has passed and you can help to distract yourself from emotional eating in this manner.  Great idea, I think, I just haven't put it in to practice yet.  I really am interested in discovering why I soothe myself with food which is why I'm interested in this book.

I went to see my SIL's new house and took my daughter.  On the way back, she saw a Dunkin' Doughnuts and got so excited for a "pink doughnut with sprinkles!"

I rarely stop for treats, but I did this time.  She got her pink doughnut with sprinkles and some milk and I just got a coffee.  Now, in the past, I would have gotten something too - but I resisted with no real effort.  That's a really good thing!  I got home and around noon I was truly hungry so I got some leftover chicken lo mein that's been in the fridge that I've been resisting also.  I ate a few bites and OMG - terribly stuck!  And this is after coffee.  Usually after coffee I can eat whatever the heck I want - which is pretty dangerous - so I try to wait a good 3-4 hours after I drink coffee to eat anything b/c my band seems to tighten back up.  I spit so much it was gross!  I also threw up once - very little came up but my stomach is sore from it.  I hate to say it, but I'm glad my band was tight, it stopped me from sliding backwards which I have done far too regularly on the weekends.  I'm usually really great at eating during the week b/c I'm so busy and distracted by my job.  The weekends are a struggle.  I want to feel cozy.  And I want cozy food.  it is now 1:37pm and I've not eaten like a crazy person even though the 'stuck' lo mein is no longer stuck.  I need to take that as an opportunity to 'do over' a potential backslide.  I'm going to plan my food now and make a grocery list and go to the store.....

Small NSV and pictures

Well as predicted, I'm 219 on the scale this a.m.  That's ok, it'll drop.  As promised, I've taken a few pictures of myself and taken my measurements.  The capri's I'm wearing in this picture are important for 2 reasons:  A.  I wore them when I met John Mayer (have I mentioned before how I'm the same age as Jennifer Aniston so why is he wasting his time with her when he can have me??)  Anyway, B.  I haven't worn them in over a year b/c I couldn't button them and they were too tight in the butticus region!  With the loss off the last 5 lbs I can wear these comfortably!  Woooot!  Here's a picture of me in them:

The above pictures of my gut and I tried to take pictures of my very small scars.   I am predicting I will see a lot of changes in my gut so I wanted a 'before' picture.  This is usually the first place I gain and the first place I lose weight - so I can't wait to show you an 'after'!!

What is ironic is that I feel myself getting to that place where I feel like - ok, cool, clothes are comfortable.  I'm doing the work, losing a few lbs, so I can let myself eat what I want just for today.  I earned it and clearly I know what I'm doing b/c I just lost 5 lbs.   I'm really GOOD at manipulating myself aren't I?  Aren't I crazy?  I'm acting like its ok for me to eat whatever I want almost like I deserve for working so hard and getting off those 5lbs.  AND ITS ONLY 5LBS!  And I'm already relaxing the slack on the reins?  WTF is wrong with me?  That's the OLD me logic that clearly doesn't work!  Glad I sat down to type this so that I could stop myself.  I'm sipping some coffee to distract me until I can go eat something healthy......

Dropped another half a pound!

Got on the scale this a.m. and it said 217.5.  I know its b/c I'm dehydrated and tomorrow morning the scale will probably say 218.5 but it was pretty cool to see that.  I slowly got on the scale and easing myself on I stopped a few times to see what it would look like to - look down and have it STOP on 160, or 178, or 189, even 205.  Can you imagine?  What does that feel like?  I read so many other blogs - what does that really feel like?  I can't wait to experience that! 
I just found this picture of me at my absolute heaviest.  I'm standing in front of ruins in Mexico. I'm 236 here.  I'm glad I will never weigh that again.  I am on the right path, I am doing the right things.  I am so thankful I made that decision as hard as it was.  This is hard for me to post.  But its me being honest with myself.  Putting it out there for my new bandster friends to see and for me to own up to.  Its my starting point to this new story I'm writing.....

I ate a lot for dinner tonight and I need to work out tomorrow.  Its been a rainy drizzly day - I can't wait to wake up early tomorrow while the whole house is asleep and drink some warm coffee and watch the sun rise over the lake.  Its one of my favorite things to despite the fact that I do love to sleep in on Saturdays - well, I'd LOVE to sleep in on Saturdays if it was actually possible in my house with these two kids of mine!
This weekend I'm going to work on painting the kitchen cabinets and I'm going to take some pictures of the bedside mirror I put up - I love how it turned out.  Oh wow, I just realized how tres risque that sounded - I do have a bedside mirror but it reflects lamplight, absolutely nothing else.  Trust me.
And in case you yearn to be in Mexico - here's some shots of Sunny Me-he-co!

218 Today at the Dr's office!!!!

Yes, me, seriously.....me, the eternal-plateau, the-only-woman-the-band-doesn't-work ME!  I got my period again, which was weird b/c I just got it 2 weeks ago, but wow - the benefits of getting your period means you finally let go of weight?  REALLY?  Hmmm, does that really have to go hand in hand?  If so, its worth it!  I went to the dr for my 6 month MRI (I get a breast MRI and mammogram - alternating every 6 mos b/c of my high risk for breast cancer) and I stepped on the scale and it said 218!!  AFTER my morning coffee and spinach/feta/egg pannini breakfast!  I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT.
How strange that I stopped exercising and then I lost the weight.  I've heard sometimes you just have to 'shock' your body into something different (like eat more if you've been eating less, exercise less if you've been pushing the exercise, etc.)  Well, it looks like it works!!! 
I've also got my 2nd fill scheduled for next week.  I think I'm only going to get like a .5, I just want to feel like I'm supposed to with constant restriction and right now I can just eat what I want and only sometimes restricted.  I understand how the band works, I understand my body's reaction to the band and food and I can handle it.  I'm ready to move forward now, ready to do without more often.  If I want to get to 140 or 150 someday - that's 68 lbs away from today.  I WILL do this!
Going to post some pics of myself and measurements later......

So I love taking pictures (of other people and other things!) and I learned about Dopiaza and it allows you to use your flickr account to sort your pictures into sets like "most interesting" and others.  So I did mine, and the picture above came out as my top "most interesting" pictures according to flickr and the people that view them.  And, yes, I do love to make cupcakes if you hadn't noticed already from my blog profile pic.  The ones above I made for my mom and sisters for mother's day one year.  The flowers are ornate gum paste flowers I purchased from a cake shop (like the ones that make wedding cakes) and I put them on top of lemon and pineapple cupcakes. They were beautiful AND delish!  Anyway, here are more of my most 'interesting' pictures according to flickr in order:

(my son with a cute chick on each arm!  yes, literally!)

A pic of Adam Levine I took from a Maroon 5 concert

A pic of Michael Buble I took at his concert...

Another pic of Adam Levine

Pic of some polymer clay mugs of hot chocolate I made for bracelet charms last Christmas *note the cozy factor at work here*

more charms - more of the same

slices of cake charms

pic of my daughter when she was a baby with a cupcake hat I knit for her

(Its supposed to look like a coconut cupcake)

random pic of my daughter when she was a baby

random pic of my sister (the blonde) her husband and their daughter's first birthday

And then the rest are more pics of Michael Buble.

So my question is, why did people pick these - isn't that interesting?  I have over 3000 pictures on Flickr - so why are these more interesting?  I TOTALLY get my beefcake pics - and I get the cupcakes - heck, I loved cupcakes before they were really trendy - so I know those pics got a lot of attention.  But the random pics of my fam?  You should try it this to find out what people think are YOUR most interesting pics - and share them with me!  I'd love to see them!!

219 today!!!!!! Is it really true?

Got on the scale this a.m. and it said 218.5, got off and back on and it said 219.0 - but that means.....its below 220 - even if it was just as soon as I got up and went pee to git rid of a little overnight water weight! LOL. I've been more tight than normal (work stress and period) and unable to eat as much. I've also noticed, the longer I go without eating, the tighter my band is when I DO go to eat something. That seems to stop me from eating too much and is helping with the weight loss.
So GEN's post got me thinking....how did I gain this weight?  I was always athletic growing up - solid build -never tiny.  I grew big boobs and embarassed I used to make these "ALBA" shakes out of a powder and ice to make like a chocolate shake that only had about 80 cals in it to lose weight.  I never ate breakfast, skipped lunch, and ran track after school and was pretty small - about 130lbs - which for me was a size 8 and m/l tops.  I moved out of my parents home to live with my boyfriend while I worked full time and we lived on our own - I also went to school at night.  It was a lot of stress for a 18-20 yr old.  That's when I began gaining weight.  I missed my family home and I felt a lot of stress and I think I ate to compensate.  I tried to re-create what I had at home - the comfort of home = food.  After a few years, I broke up with boyfriend and weighed about 160-170.  I moved back home, met my future husband, and lost weight to about the 155 range.  I'm short but well proportioned so I carried it pretty well.  I got married when I was 25, and slowly began to gain weight.  I always worked full time and went to school.  I got promoted quickly at work and had a very high stress job at a young age - again I comforted myself with food and I never worked out.  Then, my Dad (my favorite person in the world!) got cancer and over two years I was so sad over the whole thing (dispair,hope, dispair).  I lost weight and gained weight.  I was about 180 when he passed away - when I was 29.  I was laid off my job but re-hired into a new job w same company in a local office that same week my dad died.  SUCKY week.   2 yrs later, I got  pregnant and for the first time I was proud to have a big belly!  Ate like a crazy woman and I gained 55lbs.  I weighed 240 AFTER I delivered him at age 32.  I never got below 200 after that and for 5-6 years I was the heaviest I've ever been and hovered in the 220-230 range.  Then I decided to start working out, I took adipex appetite suppresant, and worked out with a trainer.  I dropped to 198 (my lowest in 10 yrs) and found out I was pg with my daughter.  That was 3 years ago.  I worked out the entire time I was pg with her - I even worked out the day I had her, I only gained 20 lbs total.  After I delivered her, I dropped 20lbs in one week (she weighed 9lbs alone!)  It was totally surreal to see the scale move that much in one week.  I stopped working out b/c I was a very exhausted working mom at a high-stress demanding job.  And in one year, I gained 25 lbs to 232. Six mos ago I got the band.  I am now working out again, eating much less, and taking the band experience very slow.  My "baby" is 2 yrs old and I weighed 219 this morning.  My weight really is going in the right direction, just very slowly and I'm ok with that.  I eat to comfort myself from stress and get back the feeling I had growing up in my house at home.  I wish I could give my kids the amazing experience I had growing up - it really was just - picturesque.  I feel guilty that I work so much but I'm getting better at that.  I reward myself with food b/c I have such a high-stress job but I'm getting much better about that too.  While I'm at it, I absolutely despise my mother in law b/c she's just mean spirited and selfish.  And I handle her now with a shrug and pluck off my shoulder.  Hee Hee - it just felt appropriate to add her in! LOL.   Must be turning 40 that makes some of that difference for me.  My priorities are getting more aligned, I could care less and less about the small stuff, and I'm a much stronger woman than I was a year ago.  Wooot!  40 is great so far!

Finished a 5K this morning!

So I completed the 5K today with my sister!  I had not worked out in the last 2 week b/c of my back that I was worried I'd injure further.  I was also worried about my knee problem I've had since early June from the pool.  Knee was no problem whatsoever.  I was a little out of shape and had to walk earlier into the run than I wanted to.  But I paced myself and took 1-2 min walk breaks when I knew I needed it.  I told my sister to run as fast a time as she could and she finished in 31 minutes.  Sheesh - and she's 43 (3 years older than me!).  I finished in 41 minutes - so I didn't do as badly as I thought I might with the additional walk breaks I hadn't planned on. 

OH!  And afterwards I got my bone density evaluated - and I look *very* good in that category , as well as, received a 'medical' massage on my lower back.  Reps from a place called Essential Wellness which is a local "medical massage practice" were on hand after the race and were AWWWWESOME.  The lady who took care of me acknowledged that I had a lot of tension in my entire back (hello! STRESS!!) especially in my lower back.  She pushed and prodded my lower back and it even hurt a little as she released and manipulated the tendons on the tops of my hips.  My upper back actually cracked while I was sitting down after she manipulated my lower back - she said b/c she was able to release the tension and it relaxed the muscle that is attached to your spinal column.....ANYway, I was just happy about having someone work on my back.  I even booked an appointment with them - its only $45 for a one hour medical massage and 30 min consultation.  I pay more than that for an hour massage at a spa! 

I also picked up a free session at a Hot Yoga place called ZEN Hot Yoga.  One of the very cool ladies we met at the running after party goes to this same hot yoga studio and she highly recommended it.  Have any of you all ever gone to one?  I told her I'd feel awkward at my size going and she said not to worry - all shapes, sizes, and skill levels were there and that's why she loved the place.  She said afterward you feel so cleansed and relaxed.  I really am going to try it.  Can you imagine how great a shower would feel after that?  Its like how great jumping in the pool feels after cutting the grass or working in the flowerbeds!  I'll let you all know how it goes!

LONG week, TGIF & lost a pound!

Its been a week from hell this week and I'm glad its finally over.  I did lose one pound and I'm mad at myself for not making time to exercise.  I will go back to the gym next week and will try to do some running this weekend.  I'm going to run in a few small 5k's in the next 2 months.  So I need to get back to practice of running times.  Its funny that in the 2 weeks I didn't exercise, I lost the 2 lbs I'd gained.  Hmmm.
My boss who visits once a quarter finally left and I swear, he spent every minute in my office with me.  I had deadlines this week that I had to meet on two projects so I spent every night this week arriving at the office at 8am and not getting home until 8pm except for one night ---b/c I didn't get home until after 9pm.  The projects I had to work on also created a lot of stir for the rest of my large office (120 people) b/c it affected them and I had to deliver some bad news for some.  That's what wears me out.  UGH.  I also found out that a very dear friend and co-worker was severed on Monday.  She actually hired me 16 years ago and is an absolutely loved person at our company.  At the high position she was, she'll be well taken care of with her severance pkg, but wow, it really made me sad b/c I will miss her. A LOT.  We will remain good friends outside of work - she wants to write a book - and said she won't use my real name! LOL.

Today, I am holding a "team building" - I'm taking all my supervisors (men included) for shopping and lunch at a really nice outlet mall type place about an hour from here.  We'll go to the Yankee Candle factory, get a lot of our Christmas shopping done hopefully and I'll buy everyone a great lunch.  Then we plan to leave early - around 2pm - and we'll all go home early today.  WOOO HOOO.  Believe it or not, the guys who work for me are really cool.  They will actually go shopping with us and enjoy it b/c they buy stuff for their wives.  We do enough "boy" stuff throughout the year so they done mind this one "girl" outing.  We all need this stress reliever!

When I am severed, whenever that might be, I am actually looking forward to slowing down and enjoying life at home a little bit.  I miss being home with my kids.  I also know that there are stresses from being at home FT too - the balance must be struck there too - when its just too much and you just need to get out, socialize, and do something other than clean, cook, and shuffle kids.  This week my kids kept asking - "Mom, are you going to come home on time tomorow?"  Thank goodness Mr. Coconuts is such a great Dad and does so much more around the house.  I couldn't work this job without him.

Denied additional life ins b/c of my BMI

I got a letter in the mail from my employer's supplemental life insurance company.  It said I was denied the additional life insurance I requested b/c of my "weight to height ratio."  What?  Serious?  That's never happened to me before and I was just in shock, you know?  I've always been lucky enough to be very healthy - I do have heredetarily high cholesterol - but have that easily under control with Zocor.  It was one of those moments where I was really dumbfounded.  This is the very first time my weight, and my weight alone has medically kept me from getting life insurance.  Wow......

Took pictures of Busybee today and got this one of her sniffing a flower on the deck.  So cute!  I hope I can get my eating under control so she grows up and doesn't learn any bad habits from me.  I'm glad I got the band and am working toward a healthier life.   

On the home deocrating front, Mr. Coconut and began sanding and priming the cabinets.  This is a small preview of what the cabinets used to look like.  Notice the wood floor color TOTALLY clashes with the cabinets, hense, the reason we're painting them.  I bought an Antique white which is a warm cream color.  i also bought a Ralph Lauren "tea stain" glaze that I will rub into the corners to highlight the panels of the cabinets and warm them up a bit.  We only got the lower cabinets done - sanding and priming took much longer than I thought it would.  I'm also going slow b/c I'm so worried about creating visible streaking.  The primer is oil based, so if I create ridges in the paint, its going to really show up later when I paint them.  Anyway, I don't know if I told you guys that I also knit.  I'm knitting a little jacket for BusyBee but I swear, I never get through one row uninterupted by a kid needing/wanting something.  Anyway, while grandma took the kids for most of the day today, I knit for a solid hour straight!  It was heaven and I made a lot of progress.  It felt great!  Knitting is like yoga for me - its very calming for me and a real stress buster. 

Mr. Coconuts was away meeting a car owner for breakfast - he's racing cars again competitively this Fall and this is a new owner that he's entertaining driving for.  Its nothing glamorous nor profitable - its his hobby, that's all.  Anyway, he's sewed up all his sponsors and thinks he will go ahead and do it again this year.  I'll keep you all posted on how well he does. 

On another front, remember how I told you that BusyBee loves to take my camera and take pictures?  After I took pictures of her with the flowers she insisted I let her take a few.  She snapped these, and I can't help but just love the perspective.  This is how she sees the world from her short little self!   So crisp too!  Lucky shots for a 2 - almost 3 year old next month!!

rolla coast-a , roll on! oooh ooh!

Do you guys remember that song? Its disco-era-ish.  And well that's what I'm on.  So I get on the scale yesterday - mind you I've been 223 for 3 days, and I'm back down to 220.2.  WTH?  I'll take it but I can't help but think its fleeting.  I've been eating well  - restricting my calories, eating protien, etc.   My lower back is better so I will be exercising this weekend after taking 7 days off.  Its absolutely gorgeous here outside so I have no excuse.
Last night I went to a Chinese buffett with my sister and her family.  She's the one who exercises and runs everyday and is very phys fit.  Well I hadn't eaten much all day - and I tried to eat some good stuff I'd put on my plate and I could feel it getting stuck.  Remember, no one but my husband knows, so I had to pretend I was taking BusyBee to the restroom (she's been potty trained for only 2 weeks so its frequent trips to the bathroom for her!).  I didn't think I would make and I couldn't talk to ask people to get out of my way.  Then the staff who were restocking plates blocked my entrance to the restroom and I almost lost it.  I couldn't speak to tell them to move - but I did barely make it.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I make that back of the throat sound when I'm sliming.  If someone else was in the bathroom, they'd think I was throwing up.  Anyway, I don't even shut the stall door before I spit into the toilet.  And there was this poor little 7yr old girl walking slowly by the stall staring at the spectacle of me.  I think I scared her! LOL.  Poor thing.  Anyway, I got it back together and made it back to the table and could eat normally.  I ate very slowly and my sister commented how little I ate.  She's said it a few times over the last 6 mos - but she always knows I'm trying to lose weight.
On the home decorating front - I'll be painting my kitchen cabinets a nice, rich creamy color this Sunday.  Mr Coconuts and I installed our own dark wood floors in the kitchen some time ago so I want to go with a light color.  Then we'll have someone put dark countertops in.  I just can't decide on the quartz color.  I'll keep ya'll posted!

Going to get a 2nd fill - I'm up again

Well I haven't posted in a few days b/c I really couldn't believe my weight was back up the same 2 pounds I was celebrating previously. I'm right back to that darn 223 up from 220. I have not exercised in 5 days because of my back and I've not been making the time I should be making for it. My stress level is way up at work, but I'm not sure if its up b/c I'm not exercising or if its up b/c of the new issues at work.
Its becoming more clear to me that we are inching close to closing our center at work. The writing on the wall is becoming more clear. Good thing I have a plan and have had a solid savings plan in place for years now. Its gets depressing/scary some days b/c I've been at this employer for over 16 years now. I've only worked at 2 places my whole life (real jobs not high school jobs) and I do like what I do and what I get paid. Anyway, stay tuned on that front. We'll see what happens and I think I know more around December.
As for the fill, I've gained the weight back and I'm definitely able to eat more. I'm torn between my lack of control and what I keep seeing on everyone else's blogs about how much they eat. I eat more than you guys and I struggle to keep it below 1200 calories. I can eat an entire Lean Cuisine, and while I can't explain it well, I get full at first, sometimes even get stuck. But after about 6-7 mins, I can feel the band losen up, the food passes it, and I'm able to eat ANYTHING I want. When I am weak, I end up eating too much. If I could just stick to chicken, with no drinking, I'm probably just right b/c it allows me a lot of control b/c I can eat more in settings where I choose to. Especially around my family and friends. None of them know I have the band - so that's handy to be able to eat what I want when I want to. But I am simply not dropping the weight. I'm not showing that I have control. I'm good at the exercising - but I think I need this 2nd fill. Its been 2.5 months since I had a fill - and at that time it was my first fill since the surgery. Sooooo, I'm afraid. I'm afriad of not enjoying my food b/c I am not able to eat enough of it. Silly, I know, but its honest.
Have a great day my friends!

Shopping Ann Taylor Loft & school starts tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the first day of school and I'm buying myself some clothes.  I've got some good coupons - 15% off and 20% off and $20 off a $100 purchase that I can combine with the per cent off coupons.  I 're-activated' my card with them (I never have credit card balances so it deactivated) so they sent me slew of coupons.  I know I've not lost any weight really, but I'm tired of wearing the same old stuff.  I need some new stuff, need to look nice even though I think I'm going to grow out of them.  I'm buying expensive tops at Ann Taylor Loft because I know I can wear them for some time.  This in charcoal and dusty lilac is really beautiful:  .

Their clothes are such great quality and wear very well in my experience!  The sizes are also generous and I can wear the xl tops.  The bottoms run small, however, in case you order something.  Oh, and if you like to accessorize, their jewelry is a very nice quality even though I don't think it shows well on the website.  In person, the jewelry is nice and heavy.

I did buy my son some new stuff, but he's pretty easy.  Some surf shirts, Levi's and new tennis shoes and he's good.  Boys are so easy!

Work was slow today and I updated my profile and resume on Linked In.  I *almost* invited my former EVP to link to me on Linked In (its sort of like facebook for work) but chickened out.  He left our company and is now over the entire Cust Svc branch for Apple Inc., globally.  Holy cow.  He's a great leader and I liked him very much on a personal level as well.  Once I completely clean up my profile and have my resume looking like it should, I'll invite him.  I just feel like, who am I to invite someone of his stature to my little Linked In acct?  That sounds just as stupid as it looks when I just typed that.  But I don't want to overstep my bounds either- if that makes any sense.  Its not like I'm asking him to recommend my work or anything - but the people you have connections to does mean something, I think, when you're out there looking for a job.  I don't invite every single person I've ever known either.  I'm somewhat selective because when it comes to work profiles, it matters.  I'm trying to walk that fine line between spending some money on my work clothes to remain professional but not go too crazy b/c I really don't know how long I'll keep my job.  Anyone else dealing with the work clothes dilemma?

Lost again!! Its REAL!

I got on the scale yesterday and it said 221.5, I said I'd update you guys if I lost like I thought I would, but I didn't b/c I thought it would just be another one of those days where it jumped up the next day and wasn't real.  Well this morning, I hopped out of bed, got on the scale and it says 220.5!  I got off and on so many times to make sure the scale wasn't trying to psyche me out!  So yesterday was real after all!  Can you believe it?  Is it really moving after ALL THIS TIME and ALL THIS WORKING OUT ??!!??  OMG!!!!!

Lost some weight!

After vacation last week, I'd gained but began losing it toward the end of the week.  I found out why - that time of the month - but for me, its not that simple.  I don't get my period each month b/c I use the Mirena IUD (which I love and advocate to eveyone I know!).  I get my period about once every 3-4 months (love love love that!).  I was up 2.5 lbs last week and thought it was b/c of all the eating and no exercising while on vaca.  I just hopped off the scale and at 6pm I'm down 3lbs at 222 even!  I always weigh myself first thing in the a.m., so tomorrow a.m. I'll probably be the lowest I've been so far - which is under 222!  I sure hope so and I'll certainly post if so!  I worked out Mon and today for 45 mins (Cardio) and personal trainer for an hour yesterday.  I've kept my eating under great control - I never thought I'd be so happy that I got my period.  LOL.  It must be because of TOM that I dropped some weight like I've read on most of your blogs - which is to be the time your body actually lets some of this weight GO!  I wonder if this  means I'll plateau longer b/c I have a longer time span between periods.  Hmm.  It will be interesting to see. 
Oddly enough, while I planned to schedule a small fill this week b/c I had no restriction, I've actually had some restriction.  I think this is for 2 reasons:  I've been PMSing which means generally I've been pissed off - which leads to higher stress and more restriction.  And the other reason is I've had some emotional stress because a co-worker was accidentally killed last week and I attend his funeral yesterday.  I've not attended a funeral since my own Dad passed away and while I was there to pay my respect to my friend Jerry, I couldn't help remember my own Father's funeral.  Gulp.  I miss my Dad so much!  But it was fine and clearly a celebration of his life cut too short.  It also made me realize that I do not take enough pictures of myself.  I obviously avoid it b/c I don't like how I look.  But as they played pictures on a slide show at the funeral - seeing him with a big grin on his face b/c of the big fish he caught, scuba diving pictures, hunting pictures, all kinds of family celebrations - just pictures of great times!  He had the biggest cheesy smile in all of them!  I couldn't help reflecting on what pictures would define my life?  I just don't have any!  There would be a lot of pictures from times where my inhibitions fell to the wayside due to drinking too much or accidental pictures that are less than flattering!  Just imagine what my slide show would look like! LOL!  Unflattering accidental photos and drunken photos! Wooot!  That simply wouldn't be pretty would it?
So, I'm taking from Jerry something very valuable.  He had a neverending smile and joy for life.  He PARTICIPATED in life, you know?     I'm going to do that AND I'm going to take pictures (or have them taken) of ME while I'm doing it regardless of what I think I look like.  Please make sure you do the same!