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Monday, December 7, 2009

Need to motivate myself

With my stress level up - honestly its so strange how this band has become my stress barometer - my restriction is somewhat back.   I'm eating well, making the right choices, but I need to exercise more.  I need to get the scale going and its just not!
I must tell you that I've learned over time that when I'm stressed, I don't feel it mentally most of the time.  In fact, I'd gone to the doctor 2 years ago because I was feeling this chest pressure and chest pains that would come and go.  I honestly thought I may be having heart attack symptoms and was very worried about my cholesterol.  I've always had high cholesterol - since I started getting tested at 18.  I have familial hyperlipidemia - which is just hereditary high cholesterol.  No matter what I eat, my cholesterol will always be high.  Being overweight didn't help matters.  So I had a stress test and learned that my heart was perfectly normal.  I went on cholesterol medicine about the same time so I just couldn't understand what this chest pressure was.  The doctor suggested anxiety - which just didn't make sense to me.  I didn't 'feel' stressed or anxious about anything.  I wasn't worried or nervous, in fact I was pretty happy overall. 
Well, the more I paid attention, the more I realized that when I was around people that frustrated me, I would sometimes feel that chest pressure.  Or when I had a tough deadline approaching or when I had to do a presentation, something really big, I would begin to feel it.  Mentally, I knew things would be fine (or maybe I was just rationalizing like I always do) but I had this physical manifestation of something I honestly didn't realize I was 'stressing' about.   I began exercising which helped to alleviate that and I've not felt that same chest pressure in a very long time.
I'm telling you all this to share with you that now this band does that same thing.  I noticed this past weekend, that I was thinking about all the events of last week and I wanted to eat and 'feel' better by eating some comfort food.  Only problem is, I couldn't eat.  My band was too tight!  It occurred to me that I was turning to food for stress relief and not being able to eat made me feel of all things....I felt lonely.  Mentally, I was actually having a great weekend, but clearly I'm processing in the background the big decisions I need to make, hense some physical stress.  That physical stress is now a tight band.  I wanted warm things, mashed potatos, soup, gravy, pasta with cheese, all kinds of comfort foods.  Not being able to eat them made me realize that I didn't even recognize the pattern of my wanting comfort foods in order to soothe myself.  This band kept me from falling back into old patterns!  I still find myself wanting to eat comfort foods but I'm trying to find new ways to deal with my stresses.  This is another reason why I need to kick in and get to exercising again - for the stress relief!  The band is still tight, I actually felt sick the other night when Mr. Coconuts and I went out to dinner.  I felt a little disappointed that I couldn't eat more.  I wanted to fill myself with warm, good food.  Why?  Why couldn't I just enjoy the company, eat only a little bit, and be happy with that?  Turns out, I was very content with only eating a little bit.  The environment, the company, the time spent is just as good eating a big meal as the small meal my band was allowing me.  Plus I have 2 days worth of AWESOME leftovers for lunch.  I guess it was just such a big deal for me to be satisfied with less.  So the surprise of being tight - even sick almost - made me realize I needed to pay attention to my body and if this band is tight - I'm stressing about something and I need to take even better care of myself, cut myself some slack, and do something to de-stress!  This band really is a great thing!


  1. Wow - listen to you - I love the fact you are identifying certain levels in your life and are dealing with them in a new way AND attributing the band as a help. Can we ask for anything more? I hope that stress goes somewhat for you - don't know if we ever kick it all together - but learning to deal with it everyday is half the battle.

  2. I know just how you feel about not being able to eat as much - it is hard when you have an awesome meal set out before you and can barely manage a few bites. I experienced this with my Bday dinner. But great you are thinking all of this through.

    I think it can be tough to lose when the band is tight - I know I gravitate to slider foods if I don't watch out. And this means no weight loss. Solid protein and I lose...that's just how it goes, and I am gettong used to it.

    Thanks for your Bday wishes and perfume recommendations, sound great!


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