I had to deliver the bad news today.....

I had to deliver to approx 240 people today that they will lose their jobs in 9-12 months.  I found out yesterday that we will be officially closing our office in 9-12 mos based on some complicated buy out timelines.  The good thing is they the severance pkgs are good and everyone will have the opportunity to move to other offices with a relocation pkg.  So that's good but its truly the end of an era for me.  I've been with the same company for 17 years now and have worked with many of the same people for almost that long.  I know that they will be ok - our company is very well prepared to offer exceptional packgages and support.  It was just so hard to look out at the faces of that many people whose lives are dependent on their jobs and deliver that news.  It was truly surreal.  I clearly remember thinking that all these people have trusted me for so long, and while I know they do not blame me personally, being their 'leader' and looking at their bewildered expressions touched my heart.  Just seeing a sea of that many faces of concern was a little overwhelming.  I successfully held it together and reassured them that we have 9-12 months still - which is a great thing.  I cried only once today when one of my very favorite male supervisors welled up in tears.  He's an amazingly strong guy but also is just a great person with a great heart.  I felt like I was breaking his - but he told me his tears were gratitude that he had set himself up financially to be able to handle losing his job.  He said he felt badly for others that he knew were not in a good financial situation. 
I told him I will make it my mission to ensure this gift of time is well used by all our employees and that I could even bring financial planners in to help educate employees so they can plan for this better.  I know better that he really is just going to miss everyone.
I have the option to take a severance at that time or relocate myself.  I don't know what I will do b/c I really don't want my husband to give up his job.  If we move it will have to be for at least 5 years or so to make it make sense financially.  I'm not sure how I feel about all of that but I am also fortunate to even have the choice.
Sooooo......yesterday - the stress and anxiety of simply having to deliver this information and processing it myself meant I could barely eat at all.  My band is so restricted I PBd on a protien shake today!  Its another effect of the band.  I want to eat to make myself feel better but I can't.  That's a good thing.  Stress used to make me overeat.  Now I don't have a choice - I can't eat.  So, like my husband said - "well the upside is that with all this stress - you'll lose some more weight!"  He's right!