Very tight restriction out of nowhere!

I have had such major restriction the last few days and I'm not sure why.  I did return to work yesterday - perhaps unconsciously I was thinking about it and the stress increased my restriction.   Today all I could eat was a protein shake for lunch b/c when I tried to eat some pasta with tomato sauce I got majorly stuck and PB'd.  I'm noticing that many of you actually say that you throw up (sorry for the grossness) food when you PB.  I've never done that.  I just 'throw up' spit but never any food.  I wonder why.  Doesn't matter, really.  Just wonder why.
I'm really liking the pedometer in my iPod nano.  What I don't like, however, is that my new ipod won't play in my Bose speaker thing-y that I use for my other ipods.  I probably just need to download some updated software for my speaker system, but what a PITA (pain the the ass!).
I'm thinking some of my restriction may also be part of this underlying decision I need to make sometime in January about my personal future-deciding to either stay with the company and move to either Charlotte, NC, Burlington, NC, or some other place.  If I move, my husband loses his job.  If I stay, I lose mine.  If I move they will pay to relocate me but I will have to sell my house.  I don't think renting my house would be a great idea because I just don't know how well a renter would take care of my house.  I would, however, like to have something to come back to someday.  Its such a big and life changing decision.  Either way, our family is taking a paycut - either mine or my husbands.  But he could be a stay at home Dad and be a really great one!
Sigh - the stress I think is creating this restriction.  The restriction is definitely causing some weight loss.  I really want to lose these 5lbs and get into the 190's!  I got so hooked on chocolate things over Christmas that I think I gained maybe a lb.  Not bad, but I am actually sick of chocolate.   I'm also struggling to eat broccoli.  Its just too dense and causes me to get stuck.  I am doing much better eating the foods I need to be eating, however. So those steps are in the right direction.  I need to put my ipod to work and EXERCISE!  I know I do, why don't I just do it?  I need to figure out and plan in my day where I'm going to fit it in.  When I worked out consistently for about 2 years, I worked out during my lunch hour.  Clearly that worked for me, I need to just do that again! 

Running Podcasts

I bought myself a new ipod nano for christmas with the intent that since its smaller, I can use more easily and motivate myself to workout consistently.  Something I've come across on iTunes are the exercise and running coaching podcasts and downloads.  I downloaded couch to 5k - I've read about those on the lapband boards, but I didn't realize it was also a free podcast download.  There are 'couch to 8k' and 'couch to 10k' programs as well.  I downloaded the couch to 5k but I'm learning that while I like the concept, I am not motivated by the techno/rave/dance club music that goes along with it.  The concept is that the narrator, guides you, tells you when to run, when to walk, and the music's bpm (beats per min) match up with the running phases and the walking phases.  So upon further searching I found 2-3 with the same concept but with licensed music.  I like Serena Williams, Lance Armstrong and this one.  Nike+ has put them together which led me to this site.  Nike+active synchs my ipod (it has a built in pedometer) and the steps I've taken and records them daily.  The site is in beta form, so its not terribly user friendly, but I love the idea!  I wish it was more interactive.

Do any of you recommend any podcasts or downloads?

I've also downloaded some Suze Orman shows (free), some Kiplinger's podcasts (free) and some daily motivational podcasts for exercise motivation (also free).  There is a lot of cool FREE stuff out there!  After I listen to some - I'll share if I think they're worth your time or not!

I want to lose 16lbs by the time the John Mayer concert comes around in March.  I'm just choosing that as a goal date only because it would be a goal NSV for me to attend a concert and feel like I look good.  At least better than I have felt in the past.  I'd let loose more I think if I didn't feel self conscious about my gut hanging out there! LOL.   See it up there in the upper left hand corner?  69 days left.  Three months and 15lbs - I can do it if I get myself into gear and start running/strength training, right?  Is that too aggressive? 205 to 189 in 69 days?

Will we eat differently when we're at goal?

I spent yesterday running around the day just flew by!  I have so many plans for this week and I can already tell that I'm not going to get everything that I want done.  I did great eating yesterday because I was so busy.  I think left to my own devices, left at home, I'd eat more.  I do good with eating when I am working also - again because I am so busy.
Do you all think that once at goal, you will eat differently than you do today?  Why do I think that?  I guess I think that because I feel like I'm being really careful in what I eat in order to lose.  But if I truly think through it, even at goal there will be gains and then we will have to modify what we eat to go back down.  Also, at a lower weight the total number of calories required will be lower so I will likely eat exactly what I'm eating today just to maintain.  That means I will consume the same number of calories at goal to maintain that I consume today which allows me to lose at my current weight. Hmmmm.  I think I need to read some blogs of people who are at goal and figure out what they are eating compared to what they ate to lose. 
I'm ready to lose another 10 lbs and get into the 190's.  I need to get exercising to make that happen.  I also need to do better at consuming vegetables.  I've noticed I'm eating fewer salads and vegetables b/c I'm focusing on the protien and end up eating starches to go with them (pasta, rice, etc.).  I'm going to fix that.....

Birthday Limo ride!

Two of my best friends have Dec birthday days apart so we had a surprise limo ride for the two of them.  The coolest thing is that it snowed!  We NEVER get snow - its probably been over 2 years since we've even had a dusting - so we had to get a pic of us in the "snow"

We started out with brunch and mimosas, bought new shoes for the evening, then took a limo ride to a bunch of posh places.  One martini and appetizer per restaurant.   Ok, we did have aged Tequila at ONE mexican place....

 Here are the shoes I bought (my shoe is the one on the right)

I did well this time - meaning no hangover today - I've learned well that eating less means you must drink less so you're not feeling a hangover the next day.  We had such a fun time! 

I'm not terribly pleased with the pictures of me -  I did wear my size 14 jeans out which was awesome!  The poor pictures of me actually motivates me to not rest on the progress I've made so far and instead keep working at losing more.  It really is a very wonderful place to be and so different than ever before - to not feel depressed and just give up.  Instead of gaining - I'm just plateaued, that's all.  I feel like I really can be successful for once in my life and do this!  I know how to do it - I feel good about it - and to not be gaining weight and instead just sitting steady at one weight - I know that I can continue to progress!  I do LOVE this band.  Its the holidays and I'm NOT gaining weight!
  My restriction is really hot and cold these days.  Sometimes it is so tight I can barely eat anything - mushy or not.  Other times, I'm able to eat whatever whenever!  It is really wonderful to eat only half of what you have in front of you and feel content.  I am amazed really how much I used to eat before.  I really noticed it at brunch - I was only able to eat half of what was on my plate while everyone else could eat everything.  In the past (last year) I did just that - these days, I simply can't!  Is so great to be in that place - so for those of you who are considering the band or aren't banded yet - it really is very liberating and wonderful!
Today, hubby and I are wrapping presents for the kids - and going to lunch- just us.  I can't wait!  The kids are with my in-laws so we have a free day! woo hoo!  I just wish it was still snowing......

A new low - 204.5!

I've been sitting at 206 for a few weeks now and I'm happy that the scale has finally moved again.  Tight due to anxiety I'm feeling over trying to make the final decision to move or take severance with my job.  I'm being forced to make the decision sooner than I'd like - I need to decide by the end of this month - b/c one of the jobs and locations (of 2) I'm most interested in will post to the 'public' in January. 
Anyway - today I'm wearing a silk blouse that I've not worn in years b/c the mid-section and the boobs have always been way to tight to wear in public.   Its REALLY wonderful to have more options in my clothes.  I'm having to get really creative b/c I don't want to buy any new work clothes until I know for sure if I'm staying or going.    Today I'm going to take my team out to a really nice restaurant for lunch today for Christmas - so its really wonderful to be able to look nice in a beautiful new work blouse!
I'm getting stuck a lot more these last few days.  I'm a little embarassed to say that last night it began to happen and I needed to spit.  My 3 yr old saw an empty coffee cup on a table, handed it to me and said , "here, mom.  Spit in it"  in her tiny baby voice.  Oh my!

10 Favorite Things....

I'm not Oprah or anything, but I do love getting together with my 3 girlfriends at Christmas b/c we always gift each other with our 'favorite things' that we've discovered, re-discovered, or always rely on over time.  Its fun to try something new that you wouldn't normally buy.  So lets share what our favorite things are either in general or related to the band that help us and that others might 'discover' and try and possibly become their favorite things....  So here I go -
My Favorite Things:
1.  Gummy Omega 3 supplement.  They are SO much easier to stomach than pre-band fish oil capsules.  No fishy taste, they actually taste quite good!  I buy mine from Target at 5.99 per bottle.
2.  My iPod nano with the built-in pedometer, am/fm radio, and video camera.  This this is just the coolest!  I have no idea if I might ever use the video camera - but still - its the bomb!
3.  Premier Protein shakes from Costco.  They have 30g protein in only 160 cal, taste great and are much less expensive than the other brands.  I always have these on hand.
4.  Chiobani Greek yogurt.  I'm now addicted to Greek yogurt and just don't want regular yogurt anymore.  Its like yogurt taste, sour cream consistency.  I linked there to their site where you can get a free cup of yogurt by submitting your email address.  It tastes great, low sugar, and 12g protien. I also buy these at Costco so they're cheaper than regular grocery store.
5.  Christian Diorshow mascara.  Don't get the waterproof.  If you want awesome lashes, this stuff is hands down the best.  And I've tried a lot of them.  No wonder this stuff had a cult-like following - it simply works!
6.   Food Diary/blank mini-notebook from Barnes & Noble.  I keep this in my purse at all times, track my food, my weight, and my thoughts, restriction levels, my fill amounts and dates, as well as my weight goals.  I can make a quick grocery list, christmas list, or to just jot down a number.  Its prettier than a moleskin, has a strong magnetic closure and I love good quality pens and paper so it works for me! 
7.  Philosophy Purity facial cleanser & Philosophy Hope in a jar - My skin has changed in the last few years and is dryer and more sensitive.  I used to have combination/oily skin.  So this cleaser has helped me keep my skin balanced and the moisturizer keeps my skin well hydrated without being greasy.  It also smells good. I buy mine at Sephora with coupons or on Ebay.
8.  Williams & Sonoma marshmallows - Their marshmallows are really wonderful because they melt differently than regular marshmallows into a wonderful layer of froth-like creaminess on top of your hot chocloate.  I also love their hot chocolate - its shaved pieces of chocolate that you scoop and mix with hot milk.  Its REALLY cozy!  I buy an extra box after christmas because their Christmas food never sells out and it goes half price!
9.  Trader Joe's Simmer Sauces - Korma simmer sauce , Cacciatore simmer sauce, etc.  These are great for making with Chicken to make the chicken band friendly.  They run about $2.80 (cheap!) and I've never had one of their Simmer Sauces, that was not honestly VERY good and that I didn't have to doctor up and add anything to.  I've tried Williams Sonoma simmer saurces that are MUCH more expensive - like 4x as much - and they weren't as good.  I love Trader Joe's!
10.  I love Blogger - without it, I wouldn't have this blog and have met all of you amazing bloggers that I've learned so much from!  It makes it easy for me to have a blog (even though I wish I had 3 columns....maybe someday I'll be brave enough to change it)

NSV! Rings!

I haven't been able to take off my wedding rings in probably 3 years.  Seriously.  I couldn't get them off.  Last night I was fiddling with my ring on my right hand, and it slipped off.  It was very cold (which helps) and I must be dehydrated b/c I tried my engagement ring - and it with a little struggle, I got it off.  I then tried my wedding band - and I was able to get that off too!  I thought I'd have to wait for at least 180-190lb range to be able to get my rings off.  Now I'm going to give them a good cleaning!  It feels so strange to have my rings off - but great too!  I've been married 15yrs, so my hands have worn wedding rings for a while now!

I do have a major dent in my ring finger where my rings used to be.  Can you see it in the pic?  It doesn't show up too well in the pic, but its a definite dent in my ring finger!  I think I'm going to leave my rings off for a little bit so that the dent goes away - does anyone know how to help that go away faster or does it just take time?   I don't want to have my rings sized up in hopes they will fit like they should once I get the weight down.

I'm taking today off from work again today - I plan to wrap Christmas presents, clean the house really well - deep clean my bathrooms and the smudges off the baseboards around the house.  I dropped Busy Busy at the sitters so I'm alone and can get it done.  I'm going to make a really great dinner too!  I need to send out Christmas cards too!

My plan today is to work out on the treadmill for 45mins, and focus on eating vegetables today.  I'm doing well with the gummy vitamins and gummy Omega 3's daily.  If you all want to work in Omega 3 daily, gummies are much better than the fish oil capsules I used to take pre-band!  I wish I'd known about them pre-band!

Hope everyone has an awesome day!!  I'm 6.5 lbs away from 200, 7.5lbs away from 199 and breaking the onederland barrier!  Shout out to Gen - hope you made it to Onderland or hope you're there this weekend!!!  I can't wait to join you!

Staying home from work today

This is not a picture of our Christmas Tree.....if you look closely, I wanted to show you where my son's dog likes to sleep.  Here's a close-up.  He's a minature dachshund and I often sit down and accidentally squash him.  Silly dog.

This is my view from my couch right now.

I have 2 weeks vacation that I still haven't used.  I'm going to carry a week over into next year and then I'm going to take 5 days between now and the end of the year to finish some projects around the house.  Remember the kitchen cabinets I started?  Well, they're not finished and I need to do that b/c they're looking bad half done!  So today I have the ability to stay home and work from home.  I have a project deadline today and plan to knock it out while watching the TLC channel all day with no office interruptions!  I don't the opportunity to work from home very often b/c on most days I have conference calls or meetings that I must be present in the office to conduct.  So I just got done cleaning the kitchen and the living room - no more kid clutter - and I've lit some candles and turned on all the Christmas lights.  Its raining outside - which I love it when it rains - and I have a beautiful cup of Thanksgiving Blend Sbux coffee steaming beside me as I write this.  I'm looking out the window at 4 ducks who are just floating with their heads tucked into their wings while its pouring on their silly little heads!  Co-oh-zy!
I hopped on the scale today and this recent restriction has me down to 206 this morning.  I still cannot believe it!    Its such a wonderful place to be to not feel that sadness and frustration of the scale going the other way every holiday.  Its wonderful to wear clothes that fit - I wore size 14 Levi jeans last weekend!  I had a big sweater on top so the muffin top the tighter waist of size 14 jeans created didn't show.  LOL!  Yesterday, I did a great job getting the protein in,  but I accidentally ate the last few bites of chicken too quickly and PB'd into an empty water bottle the entire drive home.  OMG.  It was horrible. 
Working more protien in I feel so much more energy now than I did before.  I honestly couldn't understand how many of you exercise so consistently and INTENSELY on such little food.  I know I just had such low energy all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep.  Exercise was out of the question.  Now I'm  feeling more energy and I do believe its because of my concentration on protien.
I was watching my recording of Dr. Oz yesterday on cancer fighting foods.  I realized I really need to plan my diet much better.  I need to plan better and work more antioxident rich foods into my daily diet.  I plan to move to working in organic Greek yogurt with blueberries and raspberries for my mid-morning breakfast.  And adding broccoli and fish to my diet at least 4x per week.  I also want to figure out how to add in flax seed and quinona into my diet.  I really struggle with getting down brown rice because it is so dense - so I'm not sure how to work in the quinona grain so that I can eat it easily.  I'm experimenting with recipes now.  I'm sure EatOxygen can help me out with recipes.  Anyone else trying to fit in flax seed or quinona?

Need to motivate myself

With my stress level up - honestly its so strange how this band has become my stress barometer - my restriction is somewhat back.   I'm eating well, making the right choices, but I need to exercise more.  I need to get the scale going and its just not!
I must tell you that I've learned over time that when I'm stressed, I don't feel it mentally most of the time.  In fact, I'd gone to the doctor 2 years ago because I was feeling this chest pressure and chest pains that would come and go.  I honestly thought I may be having heart attack symptoms and was very worried about my cholesterol.  I've always had high cholesterol - since I started getting tested at 18.  I have familial hyperlipidemia - which is just hereditary high cholesterol.  No matter what I eat, my cholesterol will always be high.  Being overweight didn't help matters.  So I had a stress test and learned that my heart was perfectly normal.  I went on cholesterol medicine about the same time so I just couldn't understand what this chest pressure was.  The doctor suggested anxiety - which just didn't make sense to me.  I didn't 'feel' stressed or anxious about anything.  I wasn't worried or nervous, in fact I was pretty happy overall. 
Well, the more I paid attention, the more I realized that when I was around people that frustrated me, I would sometimes feel that chest pressure.  Or when I had a tough deadline approaching or when I had to do a presentation, something really big, I would begin to feel it.  Mentally, I knew things would be fine (or maybe I was just rationalizing like I always do) but I had this physical manifestation of something I honestly didn't realize I was 'stressing' about.   I began exercising which helped to alleviate that and I've not felt that same chest pressure in a very long time.
I'm telling you all this to share with you that now this band does that same thing.  I noticed this past weekend, that I was thinking about all the events of last week and I wanted to eat and 'feel' better by eating some comfort food.  Only problem is, I couldn't eat.  My band was too tight!  It occurred to me that I was turning to food for stress relief and not being able to eat made me feel of all things....I felt lonely.  Mentally, I was actually having a great weekend, but clearly I'm processing in the background the big decisions I need to make, hense some physical stress.  That physical stress is now a tight band.  I wanted warm things, mashed potatos, soup, gravy, pasta with cheese, all kinds of comfort foods.  Not being able to eat them made me realize that I didn't even recognize the pattern of my wanting comfort foods in order to soothe myself.  This band kept me from falling back into old patterns!  I still find myself wanting to eat comfort foods but I'm trying to find new ways to deal with my stresses.  This is another reason why I need to kick in and get to exercising again - for the stress relief!  The band is still tight, I actually felt sick the other night when Mr. Coconuts and I went out to dinner.  I felt a little disappointed that I couldn't eat more.  I wanted to fill myself with warm, good food.  Why?  Why couldn't I just enjoy the company, eat only a little bit, and be happy with that?  Turns out, I was very content with only eating a little bit.  The environment, the company, the time spent is just as good eating a big meal as the small meal my band was allowing me.  Plus I have 2 days worth of AWESOME leftovers for lunch.  I guess it was just such a big deal for me to be satisfied with less.  So the surprise of being tight - even sick almost - made me realize I needed to pay attention to my body and if this band is tight - I'm stressing about something and I need to take even better care of myself, cut myself some slack, and do something to de-stress!  This band really is a great thing!

Today was better and I'm 2lbs lighter

Thanks so much everyone for your kind and thoughtful comments.  Today was better than yesterday.  I spend the entire day and then some talking and talking and talking to everyone.  Ensuring they understand their choices and helping them to make some educated decisions.  We are just thankful that we have as much time as we do. 
Today, being much less stressed my band was more relaxed.  I'm really surprised the role that stress plays on this band.  Cara - there you have it - stress yourself out to the max and you'll get your restriction back!
Actually, you know I don't recommend it.  I did get on the scale this morning and am 2lbs lighter, so that's good.
Today, I tried on some favorite and the most expensive dress pants I own, I'd forgotten I had them.  They fit.  wooot!  I could wear them and the waistband isn't about to burst.  What a wonderful thing.  I was thinking today about how wonderful it is to not be hungry all the time and not be gaining weight.  I am so thankful!

I had to deliver the bad news today.....

I had to deliver to approx 240 people today that they will lose their jobs in 9-12 months.  I found out yesterday that we will be officially closing our office in 9-12 mos based on some complicated buy out timelines.  The good thing is they the severance pkgs are good and everyone will have the opportunity to move to other offices with a relocation pkg.  So that's good but its truly the end of an era for me.  I've been with the same company for 17 years now and have worked with many of the same people for almost that long.  I know that they will be ok - our company is very well prepared to offer exceptional packgages and support.  It was just so hard to look out at the faces of that many people whose lives are dependent on their jobs and deliver that news.  It was truly surreal.  I clearly remember thinking that all these people have trusted me for so long, and while I know they do not blame me personally, being their 'leader' and looking at their bewildered expressions touched my heart.  Just seeing a sea of that many faces of concern was a little overwhelming.  I successfully held it together and reassured them that we have 9-12 months still - which is a great thing.  I cried only once today when one of my very favorite male supervisors welled up in tears.  He's an amazingly strong guy but also is just a great person with a great heart.  I felt like I was breaking his - but he told me his tears were gratitude that he had set himself up financially to be able to handle losing his job.  He said he felt badly for others that he knew were not in a good financial situation. 
I told him I will make it my mission to ensure this gift of time is well used by all our employees and that I could even bring financial planners in to help educate employees so they can plan for this better.  I know better that he really is just going to miss everyone.
I have the option to take a severance at that time or relocate myself.  I don't know what I will do b/c I really don't want my husband to give up his job.  If we move it will have to be for at least 5 years or so to make it make sense financially.  I'm not sure how I feel about all of that but I am also fortunate to even have the choice.
Sooooo......yesterday - the stress and anxiety of simply having to deliver this information and processing it myself meant I could barely eat at all.  My band is so restricted I PBd on a protien shake today!  Its another effect of the band.  I want to eat to make myself feel better but I can't.  That's a good thing.  Stress used to make me overeat.  Now I don't have a choice - I can't eat.  So, like my husband said - "well the upside is that with all this stress - you'll lose some more weight!"  He's right!