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Friday, July 22, 2011

I'm shocked, I actually like what I see

I inadvertently looked in the bathroom mirror tonight after trying to clean the sink of dried toothpaste and other messes my kids left behind.  I caught a glimpse of myself and saw that my face it just a little thinner.  I looked at my chest and neck and jawline.  I saw my shoulders and upper body in such a way that I've not seen in a very, very long time.  I saw the potential me emerging out from behind the old me!  I can't tell you guys what has changed exactly, but I can see that if I can continue down this path of fat loss and muscle gain, I can really do something with my body and feel happy about what I see.  To like what I look like an perhaps not cringe each time I see the reflection of myself in the mirror or in pictures.  Have I turned a corner?  Am I jinxing myself?

I remember one time catching my reflection in the rear view mirror as I sat in the passenger seat of the Tahoe while my family and were driving somewhere....I remember the shock of seeing my face, so big and swollen and ugly.  I didn't recognize myself and was surprised thinking "Is that what I look like?  Is that what other people see?"  I was so embarrassed and ashamed of what I looked like.  Today was a day like that only - I saw myself and thought "I really AM losing weight"  "I don't look horrible"  "Maybe I can really do this"  What a wonderful feeling.  I had to stop what I was doing and come and type this.  I'm feeling exciting that if I can keep this going, I can really become the person I've always wanted to be physically.  I've gotta get things going, have to get the losses moving along.  I really, really want to accomplish this.  I want to feel proud of the way my body looks physically strong.    And that's WAY cool......

9 comments:

  1. I love this post! Talk about a NSV....prob the biggest there is! Awesome!

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  2. So so so so so very awesome!!! I'm so thrilled for you I can't stand it!!!

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  3. I have to say, this made me tear up just a tiny bit. I'm not sure why, overwhelming since of happiness for you, probably. But also hopefulness for myself? Not sure. You are doing great, and I'm so happy for you. If we don't learn to love ourselves during this process, it may as well have been for nothing (okay, I know the medical benefits are nothing, but you get what I'm saying?).

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  4. had this very same experience while watching my son at his karate class and caught myself in the mirror...and I didn't throw up! i could actually stare @ myself w/o cringeing. we've come a long way baby!!! enjoy...!

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  5. I'm with Justawallflower...i got emotional reading your post too!!! Probably because i recognize the feelings you had before you started your journey. Can't wait to be where you are!!! Thanks for sharing!
    dede

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  6. I am a new follower but I mut say it sounds like you are doing great. I plan to read more.

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