So many of you embrace your band - even give it an affectionate name - and I've always been a little jealous of that. I've never really talked about this before, but for a long time now, I've been afraid of my band. I was afraid of the restriction and afraid I might be harming myself and not helping myself. I know this sounds completely foreign to many of you - but I wasn't 'friends' with my band. I was worried I might give myself stomach cancer or afraid that when I get old I'm going to have complications from this band. I'm not exactly sure why I feel this way, but I know it traces back to the day I flew out to get the band. I almost walked off the plane b/c I was worried about implanting a foreign device in my body and worried I hadn't researched this enough. I know that's why I've only gotten 2 small fills TOTAL in the history of my band. I was afraid of it. I also know part of this is due to the fact that I've not had a structured follow up plan with my band. I really am a private person and thought I wanted to keep this all to myself and that I could handle it all on my own.
Through all of your blogs, I've learned that my approach needs to change and I need to see my band as the tool I wanted/paid for to bring health to my 40 year old body. I actually feel like embracing it, thanking it, appreciating it. That's a big change for me. Specifically, seeing all the success out there and the positive things going on with your exercise routines - makes me want to embrace and use this tool I am so blessed to have.
Again, I know this is totally strange for many of you who worked so hard with your insurance and had to jump through so many hoops. As a self pay - I just took the money out of my savings account and just paid for it without having to do a lot of work to make it happen. Maybe if I did, I would have felt this way sooner. I'm not sure and it doesn't matter except to say that I'm finally excited to make some changes and no longer afraid of it. In fact, I feel lucky. Yep - I feel lucky to have this tool that's going to take me somewhere I know I couldn't go all by myself - to my goal weight. Also to a place where I can feel strong and work out because its good for me - not just because I want to lose weight. Heck, even someday, maybe I'll even give it a name like so many of you do! :)
I have a list of things I'm going to do this year and this month that I'm going to post this week. I'm also scheduling a fill for the first week in January. Its a step forward and I'm excited about it!