Today's starting weight

I have 2 scales, one said 210.0 and the other said 211.3, CLEARLY I'm going with the scale that says 210.0.  So that's my new starting weight and I'm going to update weekly where I land.

Lapbandgal uses sticky post-it notes to track her calories daily- isn't that a simple and great idea?  I tend to make things more complicated than they need to be, so I liked her idea.  And after losing 100lbs in a year, she's obviously got it together.

I have some work to do but my goal this week was consistently tracking what I'm eating - and I've done that.

I've also purchased the Gladware 1/2 cup, 1 cup and 2 cup portion bowls.  I really like the 1 cup size and am going to use that to gauge my eating.  I shouldn't be eating more than 1/2 - to 1 cup of food at a time. If I get really energetic today, I'm going to pre-make some super healthy soups and freeze them.  I'll let you know how they turn out.

Here's a few pictures that my little miss Busybee and I took on my new macbook yesterday.  I'm getting used to this mac (always been a pc user) very quickly!  Some things on it are just so much faster (fewer steps) to complete than on my PC.  And I really love it so far!

Looking for the best place to track my calories

I've tried Myplate on Livestrong.com, Caloriecount.com, and Loseit.com.  I've found that the food on MyPlate and Caloriecount seem easier to call up than on loseit.  But I like the reports and organization of Loseit.  I especially like the daily or weekly email option on Loseit.  The problem with Livestrong's MyPlate is that there is a $45 'upgrade' for some customizations like targeting specific goals for nutrients and no advertisements.

What do you all use?  Do you have  a preference for one for a particular reason?  I'd love to know.

I scheduled my fill for Monday, Jan 10th.  It was the first avail appointment so I took it.  It will cost me $110 as usual through Fill USA which is who my doctor goes through.  I really like her a lot and while I hear a lot of horror stories about getting a fill - with her its a breeze.  I've never been stuck more than once.   I'm excited and trying to plan as nutritious a meal plan as possible for the weeks following it.   I like my Premier Protein shakes and greek yogurt to help get me 32g and 14g of protein respectively.  I can also get in another 9g of protein for about 100 cal in some skim milk.  I plan to get those three things in daily and would cover 55g of protein.  That leaves lunch and dinner to be vegetables and whatever else.  I'm going to challenge myself to avoid pasta and  I'm sure bread will be off limits (not possible to eat).  I know I'll be making a lot of soups so I'll be scouring your blogs for recipes!

I've made a new friend...my band

So many of you embrace your band - even give it an affectionate  name - and I've always been a little jealous of that.  I've never really talked about this before, but for a long time now, I've been afraid of my band.  I was afraid of the restriction and afraid I might be harming myself and not helping myself.  I know this sounds completely foreign to many of you - but I wasn't 'friends' with my band.  I was worried I might give myself stomach cancer or afraid that when I get old I'm going to have complications from this band.  I'm not exactly sure why I feel this way, but I know it traces back to the day I flew out to get the band.  I  almost walked off the plane b/c I was worried about implanting a foreign device in my body and worried I hadn't researched this enough.  I know that's why I've only gotten 2 small fills TOTAL in the history of my band.  I was afraid of it.  I also know part of this is due to the fact that I've not had a structured follow up plan with my band.  I really am a private person and thought I wanted to keep this all to myself and that I could handle it all on my own.

Through all of your blogs, I've learned that my approach needs to change and I need to see my band as the tool I wanted/paid for to bring health to my 40 year old body.  I actually feel like embracing it, thanking it, appreciating it.  That's a big change for me.  Specifically, seeing all the success out there and the positive things going on with your exercise routines - makes me want to embrace and use this tool I am so blessed to have.

Again, I know this is totally strange for many of you who worked so hard with your insurance and had to jump through so many hoops.  As a self pay - I just took the money out of my savings account and just paid for it without having to do a lot of work to make it happen.  Maybe if I did, I would have felt this way sooner.  I'm not sure and it doesn't matter except to say that I'm finally excited to make some changes and no longer afraid of it.  In fact, I feel lucky.  Yep - I feel lucky to have this tool that's going to take me somewhere I know I couldn't go all by myself - to my goal weight.  Also to a place where I can feel strong and work out because its good for me - not just because I want to lose weight.  Heck, even someday, maybe I'll even give it a name like so many of you do! :)

I have a list of things I'm going to do this year and this month that I'm going to post this week.  I'm also scheduling a fill for the first week in January.  Its a step forward and I'm excited about it!

I have opposite body dysmorphic disorder...

You know how everyone typically thinks they are bigger than they actually are?  I think I'm the opposite.  You see, my son got a Kinect game console - its like a Wii only you don't have to hold those things in your hand to play b/c it auto-detects you.  It does this using a small camera on the front.  Anyway, we also got an exercise 'game' which is pretty neat.  It does yoga, cardio workouts, and other 'games' to get you moving.  I played it today and the thing also displays a live image of you working out and corrects your form as you move through the workouts.  Well, let me tell you, my 'image' reflected back at me was NOT pleasant to look at!  I had one of those moments where I thought - is that what I look like to other people?  Wow.  I honestly thought I was 'smaller' than that.  That I really didn't look 'that' bad.  I think I'm smaller than I actually am - that's opposite body dysmorphic disorder!  I really need to get moving on losing this weight.  Yuck.  I didn't like my reflection.

I definitely felt muscle fatigue from that workout.  I felt out of shape when I went snowboarding last week also.  I am not strong - and I want to be!  You know when you get so sick of yourself you do something about it?  Well, I'm there... and I'm going to do something about it.

So much snow and poor eating habits!

I ate poorly on Christmas day.  We had the family party at my house which was nice b/c we didn't have to go anywhere.  We also had lots of fantastic leftovers - chocolate, cookies, spinach artichoke dip, crackers, cheese, chocolate covered strawberries, ham - you name it!  I set up a hot chocolate station too - and I made the good stuff from Williams Sonoma which is chocolate shavings you mix with hot milk.  Its fantastic - and very fattening. *sigh*

Today, we've got record snowfall at the beach.  I took a few pics just to share just how much snow I'm talking - and it rarely snows at all here....

Christmas on the Potomac - last weekend's trip

I'm going skiing tomorrow at Wintergreen resort so I'm in a chilly kind of mood.  I've broken out my ski jacket and such and I'm feeling frumpy b/c its simply not the most flattering coat.  I look like a big yellow blob.  Today I tried to stay under 1000 and found myself unsuccessful.  I had:

Breakfast:  Starbux coffee

Snack: nothing

Lunch: Korma chicken, rice, peas (2 cups)

Snack: Snyders pretzels

Dinner:  Potstickers, a few french fries

Snack again b/c I wanted something sweet:  3 bagel chips with light cream cheese. *This is what put me over the top. :(  I also realized I was hungry most of the day.  I'm in definite need of a fill.

I finalized all my paperwork for my MBA, I'll begin 1/1/11.  That seems like a very lucky date - doesn't it?  It will be interesting b/c  a lot of the content is self paced/self learner type.  I'm looking forward to it - thank you to everyone for the well wishes.

This is a picture of me and the Negotiator.  The four of us and my mom and her husband went to the Gaylord Hotel in DC/Maryland for their Ice sculpture display.  The theme was "The Grinch" and the display was pretty amazing.  It includes 21 million pounds of colored and carved ice.  You walk through room after room of ice displays.  Its maintained at 9 degrees - so cold!  They actually give you the blue parka's you see us both dressed in because its so cold inside!  We all got to see the sculptures as well as some original Dr. Seuss art!  Additionally, the Gaylord was decorated so beautifully.  I enjoyed hot chocolate with buttershots in mine! It was a really nice weekend...here are few shots of the ice sculptures:

Doubt began to creep in until I read this

 I've been reading all my favorite WL blogs and discovering some new ones.  I went on LBT last night also and began reading all the studies that the 2 year mark is generally the end of the road for all the weight you're going to lose.  I got the feeling that I'd read a little too much and the doubts began to creep into my mind.  What if I really am a failure with this band?  I am an emotional eater, what if I don't do the hard work to get this thing working again?  Then I read this:  "Losing weight with the lapband is a re-normalizing process. It is not like dieting. There are no good and bad foods. There is no success and failure. There is a pathway. It might wind a bit. It may have some ups and then downs. It might seem long and frustrating at times but the band is there..waiting. Waiting for the time when you are ready to use it and change the little things that add up to big things that add up to success. It is funny really I was all worried about what goal would mean and really I was already here all along. doing the best I can do to eat healthily and enjoyably and exercise so I can continue to enjoy everything that started me on this path and think of new and exciting things to try out."  WOW.  That's exactly right.  That's from Tina's weightloss blog whom I found through Dinnerland.  Thank you Tina.  I will save that and read it over and over.  The band is there waiting for the time when you are ready to use it.  Its not hopeless, its full of hope (and full of saline soon! wink!).
Today, Sunday, I will enjoy at home.  I'll clean the house and wrap presents.  I'm going to hop on the treadmill and hook up my NikePlus and get some exercise in.  I'm also going to enjoy some time with my husband and hopefully enjoy an afternoon 'nap' with him. :)  Its so busy with the kids these days its gets so difficult to fit those 'connections' in.  I know for sure when we do fit 'naps' into our schedule, we're both happier (well, duh, of course he is) but I'm happier too b/c I feel closer to him.  The week just goes better somehow.  Haha!  I never thought I'd feel that way about it but I sure do!

Snow Days

I took this pic of the kids a few weeks ago and it just makes me laugh.  I wanted them to take a nice picture together and it was useless.  Just wanted to share a couple of kids having a belly laugh.

Now about the weather- well,  it never snows here and we got snow last Thursday and it looks like it may snow tonight too! That's a big deal here considering its snowed about 2x in the last 4 years.  So that I could cozy up on the couch this afternoon,  I went Shopping early this morning so I could knock a bunch of stuff off my list.  I was doing so well with my Christmas list - buying ahead and feeling well organized - and then time just got away from me!  I have a few more gifts to get at The Body Shop and Williams Sonoma.  Then, I'll finally be done.  I'm looking forward to having it ALL DONE.  I'll also be doing a lot of wrapping today.  That's so time consuming and I don't enjoy wrapping odd shaped kid toys.  Anyway, I decided to make an easy dinner since I'll be so busy.  I stopped in Panera and bought some bread bowls.  I'm going to make chili in bread bowls.  Cozy food!

I also stopped in Old Navy today and picked up a few things.  While there, I tried on some coats and I just didn't feel like they looked great on me.  I felt so puffy! I kept thinking - what would I look like 20 lbs lighter?  All you out there at 170-180 look pretty normal and great to me.  I can't imagine looking like that - looking more normal weight than overweight.  It must feel GREAT - so if you're there now and not appreciating it at the moment - stop and appreciate how great you look! :)  I went looking for a ski coat as I'm taking my Supervisors on a Ski Trip to Wintergreen Ski Resort on Tuesday.  We decided to do that as our 'team builder.'  I think it will be fun and I'm considering snowboarding.  I've been skiing before, but never a snowboard.  I'm curious if the rental boots are going to squeeze my calves so tight that it cuts off my circulation like they normally do.  I don't really go skiing often enough to justify buying my own boots, bindings, and skis or board.  Now that the kids are getting bigger, however, maybe I'll consider it.  I'd love to find some stuff second hand as I know there is such a ton of that out there.  I weigh less than I did the last time I went skiing so I'll let you all know how the calves fit into the rental boots!

On another note - last night I went out with my girlfriends for their birthdays.  We went to an elegant Italian restaurant and as a bonus I was having a great hair day.  Everyone else kept commenting on my haircut - its nothing extraordinary - but it sure is nice to have a good hair day every blue moon!  Its also nice to receive compliments - I need to make sure I pay other people more compliments.  Anyway, we went to a fun Irish bar afterwards that has a huge fireplace and roaring fire inside.  We got slightly buzzed - no hangovers - but just enough to be obnoxious and laugh so hard we nearly peed our pants.  I can't drink beer anymore b/c of the bubbles --- I do love a Corona Light with lime (especially on a beach in Mexico!) --- but I drank cranberry+absolut instead.  I've read that its one of the lowest calorie drinks and I like them.  What about you guys - do you have a signature drink or know the best/low calorie drink to have?

I am watching my calorie intake now.  One thing that has remained even with hardly any restriction, is that I just don't want to eat breakfast.  Its noon right now and so far I've only had coffee and a small sliver of a bagel (like an 1/8th inch piece).  I bought some protein shakes to help me with the protein intake once I get a fill.  And I decided to wait until the week after Christmas instead of next week to get that fill.  I'm in the stage of gathering the foods I know I'll need like refried black beans, apple sauce, Amy organic soups, and the protein shakes.   At present, my restriction is barely there but  it definitely shifts with my hormones.  I never get stuck anymore but I have a hard time eating only in the morning.  I also have to eat somewhat slow for the first few bites, but after that I can eat as much as I want.  Getting a fill is going to allow me to get to that place where I'm only eating a half cup of food at a time. I still have my centrum liquid vitamins and I'll be sure to continue to take those too b/c I feel that is really important.  I don't want to feel all lethargic and out of energy the last time I had real restriction.  I'm also considering making my own protein shakes so I can get more fruit and vegetables in.  I do have a question for you guys - when you make yourself a shake - do you have problems with all the bubbles that form?  I definitely can't drink carbonated drinks anymore - but besides beer - I never really drank them much anyway so I don't miss it at all.  Do you all use a juicer instead?  Juicers are pretty expensive - do any of you use one or have any recommendations?

I'm ready to try again

I have no idea if anyone will read this - but Gen reached out to me a few weeks ago and it kind of woke me up a little bit.  I've been lying low, regrouping and taking some time for myself that I knew I needed.  So what does making yourself happy and NOT focusing on every calorie consumed and burned do for you?  I'd like to say - it just magically fell off - like the guests on Oprah after reading and connecting to Geneen Roth's "Women, food and God."  That didn't happen - it boils down to hard work, focus, exercise and tracking what you eat.  I know, big surprise for everyone.  At least now, I'm in the right optimistic place and mentally ready for the work that I want to put into this.
I have a lot of blogs to catch up on and I'm excited about it.  I can't wait to see how everyone is doing.  I'm going to call and schedule a fill tomorrow as I basically have no restriction at all.  I also have not been working out - and I'm ready to change that too.  I'm wanting to exercise just to feel better.  To sleep better.
I'm also beginning my master's program for an MBA in Business Strategy and Organization.  I'm excited about that too.  I'm just ready to be proactive in a number of ways and areas in my life.
Please leave me a comment, stop by and say hello, I hope that I can reconnect with all of you.  I need the support and experience to learn from all of you (again).