Last week before a tropical vacation

The countdown has begun.  I packed my suitcase this weekend, made all the necessary trips to Ulta to buy travel sized cosmetics and shampoo and tanning lotion!  I even bought a new bathing suit.  No pictures, sorry....  Anyway, 4 more days and I'll be in paradise with my DH!!!  I packed a lot of beautiful lingerie that he's bought me over the years, always too small to fit.  I can wear most of them now and its  like shopping at Victoria's Secret without all the cost!  TMI, I know.  But I'm really excited.

I've not done a great job working out, my work days have been extremely long - didn't leave work until  630 tonight even though I went in early.  I'm thanking my lucky stars that I've made it to March 2013 and am still saving according to plan!  9 more months until I can be truly free.  6 more months after that and I'll have saved enough to buy the luxuries I've always really wanted but don't want to spend $$ on:
1. Tummy tuck
2.  New couch and chairs (I love to decorate)
3.  Stand up paddle board
4.  various home improvement projects

I've still got some knee pain but I'm ready to get in gear and increase my running schedule.  I need to get the miles increased and get the time in.  I'm sitting still - not gaining or losing - so I need to increase the exercise.  And I'm ready to do that.  Changing the time has really helped-I love all this daylight in the afternoon/evenings!!  That will allow me to go for runs when I get home from work b/c it will still be light out.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Just getting through the week

Hope you all are having a great week.  I've been busy cleaning since my mom will be staying at my house to watch the kids in 2 weeks while hubby and I enjoy Mexico with friends.  I do feel a little guilty leaving the kids at home, but I also know I would only be happy with my Mom here.  Knowing she's going to be here puts my mind at ease.  The place we're staying (perhaps all places do this  now) offers unlimited calls to the US for free.  So I can call anytime and talk as long as I want without fear of an outrageous bill.

I still have so much to do to prepare to leave.  Not just packing, but getting all the kids stuff ready so my mom doesn't have to do much at all.  Washing all their clothes, buying all their meals, buying stuff for the kids lunches, etc.  But I'm happily doing it knowing in just a couple of weeks, I'll be poolside!

I've not found many clothes to take with me.  I can't find anything cute and I don't feel very cute with these extra 15 lbs on me.  Only my bigger shorts fit and my shirts just don't feel as good since I gain in my stomach.

I've hurt my other knee and hamstring- now that the one that gives me trouble is all good.  So, I've not been running.  No excuses, I need to figure some other sort of exercise out.  I've got weights under my desk at work and a yoga mat.  I could easily do planks and arm work while sitting at my desk or on conference calls.  Every little bit counts!

Have a great week everyone!

So happy its finally FRIDAY!

 This is the first thing I did went I got to La*guna B*each 2 weeks ago.  Adjusting back to East coast time is always hard for me.  My friend and I went to this great little place that overlooks the Pacific ocean and has the most amazing Mexican food.  I know I shouldn't post food pics, but my goodness it was so good!  Fresh squeezed margaritas and fresh made salsa and guacamole!  My favorite!
Running 30 mins on the treadmill means I can enjoy this stuff!!

Since the chiropractor has been adjusting my knee, it has really made all the difference.  He said my tibia or fibula can sometimes get out of alignment, like your back can.  Makes sense.  All I know is that I have NO KNEE PAIN at all.  I even ran the half in CA with no pain during or after!  Fantastic!

I'm feeling much better emotionally/stress-wise since yesterday.  Looking forward to the weekend and getting a few good runs in!  I'm focused on eating well and making my awesome green shakes.  Hope you have a great weekend as well.

Tough week - its going to get better

I cannot wait for the day that I have saved enough to finally get to stay at home.  I realize that having that option is something not everyone can do - heck, I've not been able to to that my entire life.  There will be sacrifices, but the gift of just time at home and choosing what I want to do seems like a dream come true.  Such a high stress job, being responsible for so many people, and all the overwhelmingly large decisions that I have to make and be accountable for are just too much stress sometimes.  And bringing that stress home b/c I just can't stop thinking about the problems I have to solve sucks! I've been up at 4am and 3am respectively and can't get back to sleep these last two nights.

I've been having issues with my sleep lately - I've also had issues where I simply could not get enough sleep.  Sleep issues suck too!  My son is having sleep issues, even though the blood pressure medicine he's taking is supposed to make him sleepy.  He is taking blood pressure medicine because the side effect is that it decreases tics.

His situation is very emotionally stressful for him and for me.  It's difficult to see your child suffering in this way.  He is in counseling so that he learns how to deal with stress, ridicule, ostracizing, etc. as a result of having tics he cannot control.  We will get through this and he's a great kid.  I just wish he didn't have to face this.  He's only 11.  Its a lot for a 11 year old to deal with.

On a positive note, only 3 more weeks to Mexico!  Hubs and I are going.  I'm going to drink. A lot.  My mom is going to come to my house and stay with my kids.  They love her and I lover her for doing this so that we can go!

I'm not on track to lose the 10lbs I wanted to before Mexico.  I've been stress eating at night b/c I run out of time to eat during the day.  No excuse - I need to take control and make time for it.

I'm wondering if I'm Vitamin D deficient again.  6 mos ago, my blood work showed I was deficient - which is crazy.  I drink milk like a crazy person (I love milk!) and get adequate sunlight.  My doctor gave me prescription Vitamin D - 50,000 IUs per pill to take 1x per week for 4 weeks.  My energy level increased and general 'fogginess' lifted after week 2 of taking the pills.  It definitely made a difference in how I was feeling.  I researched this deficiency - and learned its an indicator of a thyroid disorder.  I'll go back to the doctor for my cholesterol check up and blood work this week.

Hope you all have a wonderful week!

It's the night before Valentines...

And we're making Spiderman Valentines for school tomorrow.  LaineyBug is having a good time writing all the names.  A jellyroll pan of Red Jello is cooling in the fridge as we speak -waiting for us to press a heart shaped cookie cutter and make Valentine's Jello Jigglers.  I sure hope it works out for us~

Staying within my calories was very hard today.  I am craving sweet stuff so I'm eating Trader Joe's chunky applesauce.  160 calories in a cup.  I heated it up in the microwave, topped it with some cinnamon and it tastes sort of like apple pie filling.

Oh, and I woke up late and didn't run on the treadmill.  I need to to it tonight to fit it in!

Hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day!  I've planned a dinner at my favorite - a really incredible restaurant - this Friday with a bunch of couples.  Had to make reservations 1 month in advance.  I can't wait!!

I sure do miss you Dad!

*Edited to add - I got the pic to load!  I took this on a business trip to Las Vegas where I made my Dad go with me- we drove to the Grand Canyon while there.  This was literally a week before the cancer crap started up again.

I cannot seem to get the picture to load of him that I wanted to share with you all.   Dang it.  I took a picture of the picture I have on my wall of him.   And it won't import from my cell phone to my Mac.  No idea why.  Perhaps my Dad is being shy......Ha! Never!  I've had a pretty normal day, and I don't dwell on today's date - b/c the date doesn't matter.  I miss him everyday.

I still cannot believe I haven't talked to my favorite person in the whole world in so long.  Thankfully, it doesn't seem like that long ago, but today at 10:45 a.m. marks the day and time my Dad died from 'non life threatening' skin cancer 15 years ago.  Not melanoma, no he won the odds lottery by dying from squamous cell carcinoma.   You know, the one that's not deadly.  Those little white scaly bumps everyone typically just get cut off their noses, tips of their ears, sometimes from getting a little too much sun when they were kids when no one used sunscreen.  He died at home, we all were around him and with him when he died.  There were no moments of saying goodbye while he was still conscious - my Dad was a proud and stoic man.  Either he didn't want to talk about it directly or we didn't really want to accept all of it was really happening.  He died the way I know he wanted to - at home, with all of us there with him.  I am so very thankful of that.

He wasn't a typical man who wouldn't go to the doctor.  He put up with a lot of bullshit, treatments, IVs, surgeries, radiation, you name it, he did it without complaint even though he was a tough and strong man's man at 6"4".  He didn't want to leave us and did anything that was asked of him no matter how embarrassing, emasculating, or painful.  My Dad was only 55 when he died and he put up with a lot in his last 3 years.  I was 28 when he died.  My youngest sister was only 17.  I feel so bad for her for that and guilty that I got to have him in my life longer than her.  He missed giving her away at her wedding.  He missed all but one grandchild (my older sister's) - there are now 8 in total.  My kids can't ever understand how cool he was, what great stories he told, how kind he was, how hard he worked to support us, how funny he was, and what stupid songs he always made up and sang around the house that made us all laugh at his absurdity and humor.

Thank God my mom is a strong woman.  She met someone else, they are married and she is happy.  He's a nice enough guy, good enough.  That made my life and grief so much better to know I didn't have to carry the burden and guilt of my mom's sadness too.  She's handled it well for the most part.  Better than I could have.  My Mom and Dad were married for 32 years and my Mom's a pistol so that's no small feat! Haha!

What a great Dad I had/still have.  And I sure do miss him.  Today, I'm sad and a bit pissed about it.  I cover up my grief by reminding myself I'm living my life to honor him.  And I am.  But sometimes this really sucks.  Sometimes I think that in order to get so lucky to have such an amazing Dad I had to pay such a high price in grief.  You know, with great highs come great lows.  Newton's 3rd Law of motion: with every action there is an equal opposite reaction.  Whatever,  he was worth it.

The best massage is when you're sore

I've been so sore since the half marathon a week ago.  Today was my chiropractor adjustment and 60 min massage afterwards.  It's absolutely heaven!  I really was never an advocate nor against chiropractors.  I really had no opinion.  Since I've been going over the past year and a half - it has really helped me.  I only have to pay a co-pay - and my insurance covers an adjustment and a 60 minute massage 20x per year.  Its fantastic.  Thank goodness my husband's insurance covers it.  Tonight she really stretched out my hips and lower back.  I feel so much better!!
I've been drinking my green blended drink every morning - which has been a focus of mine - to ensure I'm getting the protein in each day.  It tastes so great really packs in the protein.

Tomorrow its back to running on the treadmill.  The only way I can get the runs in are at home in the mornings.  Back to 530 a.m. wake ups!

I want to lose 10lbs by March 16th.  I'd love to get back down to 185 in time for Mexico.  Lets see what I can pull of in 5 weeks.  Probably not 10lbs, but 5-8 would make me happy too!  I want to enjoy Mexico and not have my shorts too uncomfortably tight.  I'm going to do it - just watch me!

Slacker and I ran a half marathon on Sunday!

I've not posted or even looked at my blog in over 6 months.  I really want to know how everyone out there is doing, so I'm going to start looking at some blogs this weekend while the Northeast braces for all this snow.
Since it's been a while, I'll give you a few updates about me:

• I was at an all time low of 185 and am now at 195.  I stopped running for about 6 months and gained the weight.  (I'm now ready to shed these 10lbs and get back down there and then some!)
• I'm having a harder time eating now than I have in the past.  I find myself eating soup, peanut butter, and bad things which led to my weight creeping up.
• I'm still at the 'new' job - *remember, I'm the one who went through all the personal turmoil over deciding whether to re-locate to Charlotte, NC or stay in VA and take severance from a job I was at for 17 yrs.  I ended up choosing severance, banking the $, and getting a new job within 3 weeks making more $.  I'd planned to only stay at this *new* job for a year, well, its been 1.5 yrs.  Why am I staying?  I'm staying with a strict savings purpose to be able to quit my job and stay home with my kids for the next 10 years or so.  I'll be able to do that by June 2014.  So the plan is to save, save, save!  I can't wait, actually, and am excited about that goal!  
• My marriage is really great.  I went through some personal doubt - likely part of my anxiety over 'losing my job' after so long.  In hind sight, I was questioning everything, including my marriage and my long term happiness.  Maybe that's more to with being in my early 40's?  I don't  know - maybe it was a lot of things.  What matters now is that I truly appreciate what I have, we have a great relationship, and I have a lot of respect for him.  We are more of a couple than co-parents now.  I will be married 19 years this Summer. wow.
• My 11 yr old son was diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome.  It's personally so devastating to have a child who has to deal with such an embarrassing condition.  He's so charming and friendly and very smart - and to see that in jeopardy due to some stupid physical tics is just devastating.  He's just beginning puberty and as a 'gifted' learner his whole life, he is now struggling b/c he's concentrating on not having a 'tic' and being embarrassed vs. paying attention to the teacher.  To think what he may have to deal with ridicule, bullying, shyness with girls, social withdraw at such an important age (first year of middle school and high school next) is heart wrenching.  Because he is such the opposite kind of kid.  Anyway, that's been really tough and sad to try to handle.  I do feel fortunate that he does not have verbal tics - but it could still escalate to that level.  I'm going to cry and be a complete mess if that happens because he tries so hard to control it.
• I'm re-energized to lose 10lbs and get back to running and racing in half marathons.  I just finished up a half marathon - the S*urf C ity M ara thon last Sunday.  I walked a lot of it b/c I didn't want to injure myself and had a lot of fun.  I'm looking forward to my next half in September.  Running is what helped me finally break the 200 barrier and get down to 185.  It's what is going to get me to the next level and get these 10lbs back off and get back to 185!

Well - I need to share some photos.  I just got back from Lagu*na Beach and enjoyed paddle boarding so very much in the Pacific Ocean.  Paddle boarded with dolphins and seals - it was surreal and soul soothing!  I love the west coast!

I hope all of you are doing wonderful.  I'm looking forward to setting goals for myself and achieving them.  Once thing I've learned about myself.  If I just set a path or goal - there is some fun for me in planning how to get there and carrying it out.  And I usually do.  I'm looking forward to new goals and making them happen!!!