Still walk/running and it feels great!

First, I've decided not to take the job I was recently re-offered.  I appreciate your thoughtful comments - they made me pause and I really needed some objective feedback.  NOT from my friends, my husband, or my mother or co-workers.  I appreciate the authenticity of your opinions  - so thank you for that.

All things considered, my heart tells me to take time off - I've not taken 2 weeks off together since I was 16 (not counting two 6 week maternity leaves).  I have a sense that I really want to spend just a few months connecting with my kids and feeling what that's like.  My mind tells me to take the job, my heart tells me not to.  I'm not sure which is really the right thing to do, but its the path I've chosen.  

I'm still walking everyday - and doing a walk to run program.  I'm carful with my eating and working my way away from carbs.  I'm having a tough time resisting sugar but I'm working on that.  I'm also working on having a meatless Monday in my home.  I'm looking to work on more vegetables and fruits in my diet.  So far today, I've not had any meat and its not been bad.

Breakfast:  skim milk, bananna and coffee

Lunch:  Greek salad

Snack:  Meeting that had dried fruit, fresh fruit and chocolate

Dinner:  One small slice spinach and goat cheese pizza (thin crust) and greek salad.

I don't feel deprived (probably b/c I ate chocolate!) and my goal is to stay meatless today.  I'm low on protein today but I'll make up for it tomorrow.

I feel good today, I hope you all do too!

The final countdown

I officially have 60 days left in my job.   I've said a lot of goodbyes and attended some blow out parties as many people are moving into new positions in locations all over the country.  I've cleared out my office and taken out most of my stuff.  I've gotten used to and am looking forward to the time I'm going to have at home.  I've made a lot of plans for working out and other projects to feed my soul - like painting, pottery, crafting, beach days, and some home improvement projects I want to get done.

I've even signed up for a 12 week boot camp on the oceanfront.  I signed up with a friend and we're committing to each other to get up reaallly early to go!  I'm actually looking forward to it.  I've been walking a lot and have a sore ankle and knee as a result of a little over use - nothing some ibuprofen won't fix!  I see it as a good sign that I'm sore and have a tiny over use injury  - it means I'm pushing myself!

I'm also doing well on the eating front.  I've lost 2 lbs and its all coming together and working like its supposed to.  I just need some new songs on my ipod!

I have my eyes on a few jobs - but have been hesitant to apply for them - bc I really want to enjoy a few months off.  That VP from the outsourcer I told you all about called me again last Thursday, said he had an 'interim' guy in place and wanted to circle back around to me.  I asked him this time about the salary range (it was just not appropriate on those first few meetings) and he offered to match my current salary. oy-vey!  It definitely makes turning him down MUCH harder - who turns down that kind of pay in this economy for 10 weeks off in the summer???  

I keep trying to figure out if  God or the Universe is trying to open the opportunity up to tell me to take it OR am I supposed to see that even if I take time off -there IS going to be a job out there for me at the pay I want and that everything is going to be ok with me taking some months off just for me to do NOTHING and enjoy my home and my kids?  My current boss asked me again to move to Charlotte - again I'd have a job, well compensated - which is why I've had so many thoughts and concerns about turning down a job opportunity.  Am I crazy to not relocate and keep my job, am I crazy to turn down a job offer for the 2nd time?  What am I supposed to take from this?  Is someone trying to tell me to wake up and take the darn job?  My heart wants to take time off - my brain wants me to take the job.  I'm going to follow my heard and (try) not to look back!

Getting there

I'm making changes everyday to get where I want to be.  I'm eating better and exercising regularly.  I'm getting there.  I'm relaxing into doing the things I have to do - not necessarily what I want to do - but the summation of these small things are going to add up and result in seeing the scale move!  

The scale hasn't moved much yet, but I know its going to take just a little bit more effort on my part.  I'm working now on reducing sugar and carbs in my diet.  

I bought some new Saucony running shoes.  That always helps me get motivated to keep going.  I've never purchased this brand before - anyone else?

I sure hope everyone is doing well.  I can't wait for it to warm up outside!!  C'mon Spring!

Rhonda

OK, I shook it off and I've got it back together

Ok, I'm back on my game, I'm seeing the light, I'm ready to fight.  I think I've been dealing with issues - grieving over the loss of my job.  I'd already gone through denial very quickly - then angry, bargaining for sure, and I think the last few weeks to a month have been a sort of depression.  I just couldn't seem to get it together, couldn't motivate myself to do anything.  Nothing seemed appealing and I cooked a lot of comfort foods.  Now, I'm more in the acceptance mode.  I think that's a good thing - I'm getting my mojo back.  

Kubler-Ross defines the grieving stages as follows:

Denial - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."  Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. 

Anger -"Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"  Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.

Bargaining -  (I added this:  I could do this job, a project manager job, a consultant job, etc.)

Depression - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"

Acceptance - "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, later to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an  infertility diagnosis, as well many tragedies and disasters.

I'm ready to work out again.  Ready to see the scale move.  I read your blogs and your kind comments of support and THAT motivates me!  Thank you everyone for the kind supportive comments -  I appreciate it so very much!!

Why aren't I changing things?

I've not posted in a couple of weeks and I'm pretty disappointed in myself for not getting it together and making exercise happen.  Work has been a little stressful and my MBA has had me busy but its no excuse. I told my son the other day "if your life depended on it, I bet you'd make it happen" - as soon as I said it I realized what a hypocrite I was being.  He wasn't practicing his guitar consistently.  I can't get my ass outside or on the treadmill to do the exercise consistently!

I'm not going to beat myself up here for too much longer in blogland, I'm just mad at myself for not 'making it happen.'  I have no excuse and I can't seem to understand what's driving me (or in this case NOT driving me).  I could psychoanalyze myself all day but I've just not had it in me to get myself excited and motivated about exercising.  

I know motivation is a feeling and that feelings come and go - but how I generate that initial umph to get you committed to going down a path of losing another 10lbs?  I've got to find it, create it, whatever!  I'm going to have Spring and the whole Summer off and I want to really enjoy it and be successful.  I guess its time to dig in and make some commitments to myself.....  

I've 

Looks like I'll be taking severance after all

Job Update:  As you know, I turned down the local job that would have required me to give up my severance b/c they needed someone in March.  I applied for an internal job last week and found out yesterday that they won't be interviewing me because I'm "overqualified."  Can you believe that?  I was shocked and angry yesterday at the lack of intelligence made in that careless decision.  Because its a step down from my current position (a pay cut that I don't mind) and because they thought I would be 'bored' they decided not to interview me.  There were 53 applicants and they had to whittle it down to 8.

I completely understand the logic that they want someone who isn't going to just jump ship once a new offer comes along.  But I do feel they at least should have interviewed me and asked me my position and intentions regarding that.  They could have decided if I was flat out lying or sincerely interested in taking a step back, a pay cut, and why that actually is what I want in my life now as part of my quest to find real balance between work and home.  I am disappointed but see that it appears my fate is decided and my path will take me to severance which is also ok.  Both options have great benefits and both have drawbacks.  Life is just taking me down this path and I need to release fighting to control things I can't necessarily control.  I guess I'm just used to being the one making the decisions.  Financially, we will be fine.  I think I'm just grieving the benefits that go along with being employed (6 weeks vac, discounted services, $ to put in savings, frivolous shopping)

My job will end at the end of May.  Its a good time of year (its not Nov or Jan!) and I will spend the summer not working for the first time in my life.  I'm looking forward to it since we have a nice in ground pool that the kids and I will play in all summer.  I plan to take them to the beach, to parks, and have them help me maintain a nice vegetable garden!  Ha!  We'll see if they really help with the last one!

I'm finding that I want to eat junk food to comfort myself.  I've eaten chips today and then stopped myself.  I also ate some sesame crackers and cheese which were sooo gooood! :)  I'm planning a healthy lunch and some Lemon Chicken and Spinach Soup with Orzo for dinner. 

Now I just have to get on that treadmill and knock out 30 mins and I'll be good for today.  Its too cold and windy to walk on the boardwalk today - so its going to have to be the treadmill!

Not much happening

I made the mistake of hopping on the scale today.  I've gained some back already which means my loss the other day must have been mostly water.  Frickin Frackin!@#$!  I had been eating much less so it seemed possible and appropriate.  Humph!

My MBA classes have been keeping me busy.  Busier than I thought.

I'm still working on being consistent with exercise.  I'm good some days and not on others.  I'm slowly getting it together but I get so mad at myself for not making it my priority.  I. WILL. GET. BETTER.