Whassa happnin' hotstuff?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Getting there

I'm making changes everyday to get where I want to be.  I'm eating better and exercising regularly.  I'm getting there.  I'm relaxing into doing the things I have to do - not necessarily what I want to do - but the summation of these small things are going to add up and result in seeing the scale move!  

The scale hasn't moved much yet, but I know its going to take just a little bit more effort on my part.  I'm working now on reducing sugar and carbs in my diet.  

I bought some new Saucony running shoes.  That always helps me get motivated to keep going.  I've never purchased this brand before - anyone else?

I sure hope everyone is doing well.  I can't wait for it to warm up outside!!  C'mon Spring!


Monday, March 14, 2011

OK, I shook it off and I've got it back together

Ok, I'm back on my game, I'm seeing the light, I'm ready to fight.  I think I've been dealing with issues - grieving over the loss of my job.  I'd already gone through denial very quickly - then angry, bargaining for sure, and I think the last few weeks to a month have been a sort of depression.  I just couldn't seem to get it together, couldn't motivate myself to do anything.  Nothing seemed appealing and I cooked a lot of comfort foods.  Now, I'm more in the acceptance mode.  I think that's a good thing - I'm getting my mojo back.  

Kubler-Ross defines the grieving stages as follows:

Denial - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."  Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. 

Anger -"Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"  Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.

Bargaining -  (I added this:  I could do this job, a project manager job, a consultant job, etc.)

Depression - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"

Acceptance - "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

K├╝bler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, later to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an  infertility diagnosis, as well many tragedies and disasters.

I'm ready to work out again.  Ready to see the scale move.  I read your blogs and your kind comments of support and THAT motivates me!  Thank you everyone for the kind supportive comments -  I appreciate it so very much!!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Why aren't I changing things?

I've not posted in a couple of weeks and I'm pretty disappointed in myself for not getting it together and making exercise happen.  Work has been a little stressful and my MBA has had me busy but its no excuse. I told my son the other day "if your life depended on it, I bet you'd make it happen" - as soon as I said it I realized what a hypocrite I was being.  He wasn't practicing his guitar consistently.  I can't get my ass outside or on the treadmill to do the exercise consistently!

I'm not going to beat myself up here for too much longer in blogland, I'm just mad at myself for not 'making it happen.'  I have no excuse and I can't seem to understand what's driving me (or in this case NOT driving me).  I could psychoanalyze myself all day but I've just not had it in me to get myself excited and motivated about exercising.  

I know motivation is a feeling and that feelings come and go - but how I generate that initial umph to get you committed to going down a path of losing another 10lbs?  I've got to find it, create it, whatever!  I'm going to have Spring and the whole Summer off and I want to really enjoy it and be successful.  I guess its time to dig in and make some commitments to myself.....  


Thursday, March 3, 2011

Looks like I'll be taking severance after all

Job Update:  As you know, I turned down the local job that would have required me to give up my severance b/c they needed someone in March.  I applied for an internal job last week and found out yesterday that they won't be interviewing me because I'm "overqualified."  Can you believe that?  I was shocked and angry yesterday at the lack of intelligence made in that careless decision.  Because its a step down from my current position (a pay cut that I don't mind) and because they thought I would be 'bored' they decided not to interview me.  There were 53 applicants and they had to whittle it down to 8.

I completely understand the logic that they want someone who isn't going to just jump ship once a new offer comes along.  But I do feel they at least should have interviewed me and asked me my position and intentions regarding that.  They could have decided if I was flat out lying or sincerely interested in taking a step back, a pay cut, and why that actually is what I want in my life now as part of my quest to find real balance between work and home.  I am disappointed but see that it appears my fate is decided and my path will take me to severance which is also ok.  Both options have great benefits and both have drawbacks.  Life is just taking me down this path and I need to release fighting to control things I can't necessarily control.  I guess I'm just used to being the one making the decisions.  Financially, we will be fine.  I think I'm just grieving the benefits that go along with being employed (6 weeks vac, discounted services, $ to put in savings, frivolous shopping)

My job will end at the end of May.  Its a good time of year (its not Nov or Jan!) and I will spend the summer not working for the first time in my life.  I'm looking forward to it since we have a nice in ground pool that the kids and I will play in all summer.  I plan to take them to the beach, to parks, and have them help me maintain a nice vegetable garden!  Ha!  We'll see if they really help with the last one!

I'm finding that I want to eat junk food to comfort myself.  I've eaten chips today and then stopped myself.  I also ate some sesame crackers and cheese which were sooo gooood! :)  I'm planning a healthy lunch and some Lemon Chicken and Spinach Soup with Orzo for dinner. 

Now I just have to get on that treadmill and knock out 30 mins and I'll be good for today.  Its too cold and windy to walk on the boardwalk today - so its going to have to be the treadmill!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Not much happening

I made the mistake of hopping on the scale today.  I've gained some back already which means my loss the other day must have been mostly water.  Frickin Frackin!@#$!  I had been eating much less so it seemed possible and appropriate.  Humph!

My MBA classes have been keeping me busy.  Busier than I thought.

I'm still working on being consistent with exercise.  I'm good some days and not on others.  I'm slowly getting it together but I get so mad at myself for not making it my priority.  I. WILL. GET. BETTER.
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