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Saturday, May 30, 2015

Breaking into a new weight range! Yeeehaw!

I can't really believe it and I didn't even post about it because I figured I was dehydrated and wasn't going to stay there but I actually hit 177.7 two days ago.  I can't flipping believe it.  I really can't.  I haven't weighed in the 170's since in about 20 years.  That's crazy.  Tonight I hopped on the scale ( we all know the only time to weigh ourselves is after we pee and with little to no clothing on first thing the morning) but I weighed 179 at 9:30 at night which means, I'm in the 170's for real!

I've been trying all kinds of summer clothes on from last year and I'm just shocked at how loose they are and some are so baggy that I don't look good in them.  I keep trying clothes on because I really can't believe shorts and tops that were tight last year are too big this Summer.  How awesome is that? I have an entire new wardrobe of all the clothes that were a little too snug last year and they fit really well.  It feels amazing to feel like I look 'acceptable' to my own standards in my clothes.  That's a very foreign feeling to me.  I keep squashing the negative thoughts that this is only temporary and that I"m going to gain it all back once my hiatal hernia is fixed.

The crazy part is my reflux is essentially gone.  I still cannot eat much at a time but it's exactly like restriction was in the beginning.  No acid issues at night and no waking up.  I'm also not hungry hardly at all and I'm able to fresh raw fruits and vegetables, something I could not do at all before.   I just don't eat a lot of it.  It's actually quite perfect and I'm still losing weight.

My surgery consultation is Monday.  It's kind of hard to consider surgery when things are going so well right now.  I am taking the surgery seriously, it's just ironic that things are going so well and I"m going to have hiatal hernia surgery which I know will change it.  It's the right thing to do, but it's just hard to give up on this all new weight loss I've never experienced before.  I've lost 60 lbs total from my highest weight.  Unbelievable.  And while my eating is minimal and I have days (if I'm close to getting my period) where my stomach really doesn't want to accept much.  But on most days, I'm really good and able to eat whatever.  My calories are too low, but gosh, it's working.  I am eating about 800 calories (always >=60g of protein) for about 2 days and then on the third day (on average) whether it's because of my hormones or something else that I don't understand, I'm able to eat almost anything I want.  And I eat about 2500 calories.  I honestly think the very low calories for 2 days followed by a 3rd day of high calories is keeping the weight loss going.  I'm keeping my body and perhaps my metabolism guessing and since my body is only in what I call starvation mode for 2 days, maybe that's why my metabolism isn't completely shot ?  Otherwise, I'd stall in my weight loss, right?  Gosh, I don't know but it sure is working for me!

I'm walking at work daily and since it's warmer, Stand up Paddle boarding is next. I bought myself one for my birthday last year and I just love it.  So I'm also doing well with getting enough sleep and exercising!  All good momentum.

My heart of hearts want to get to 165, that's 15 lbs from where I am now.  Why does that seem impossible?  It's 15 lbs.  for goodness sake.  I have to get that negative voice out of my head telling me this loss is only temporary, just like all the previous weight loss attempts I've made.  I have to believe I'm not going to gain this weight back and find myself back at 195 which is where I was in January.  I am enjoying my clothes so much I really don't want to go back there.  I CAN DO THIS!

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Fun Weekend! Weight steady and stomach getting better!

What beautiful weather we had on the East coast this weekend!  We spent the weekend fishing, crabbing, making tie dye shirts, and running around in a patriotic decorated golf cart!  We went on our annual camping trip and really had a lot of fun.  Not having my buddy Lola there this year was tough.  But we had a lot of laughs about our last trip there together.  She passed away from brain cancer last July and this is the first year there without her.  It wasn't the same but we made new fun memories in her honor as she would not allow us to have it any other way!

My stomach issues have gotten much, much better even though I've done nothing except take the Prilosec 40mg that I've been given.  My stomach is no longer "shut down" as I call it and I'm able to eat fibrous vegetables like broccoli, carrots, lettuce, etc.  I've not had issues overnight and I'm able to eat first thing in the morning.  That wasn't possible before.  I'm actually hungry and have cravings again, so it's feeling better and better each day.  I'm not sure I want to go through with the surgery and it is optional.  I have an appt in another week to discuss it and I'll make a decision later.

I also got the postcard in the  mail telling me the stomach polyp was benign.  So THAT was awesome news!! I must admit, there was a little something in the back of my brain a little worried about that.  I think it's because there has been a lot of deaths recently and so I realize how something like cancer could so easily happen to me.  My best friend passed away in July from brain cancer, my husband's mom passed away in January from lung cancer complications, and I just learned my son's friend at school - their father passed away Friday from a heart attack.  He was my age.  It really makes me appreciate today, the beautiful weather and the fact that all the relationships in my life right now are good.  Unfortunately, my MIL was difficult to deal with as she was a bit self centered and often dramatic about things.  We all have people like that in our lives, and while she wasn't always that way, but she was often enough that it made my life harder than it needed to be and there always seemed to be conflict even when I didn't understand it.    So not having any conflict in my life is really wonderful.  Having had conflict with her most of all my married life, I truly appreciate NOT having that in my life.  While I'm not looking to discuss the state of my previous relationship with my MIL, my point is that we all know life is short, YOLO, blah blah, whatever.  But what do we really do about it?  We need to do WHAT MAKES us HAPPY!  It's that simple.

Getting banded was the first thing I'd ever really done for myself.  And it made me happy to take care of myself.  It was taking time and money to take care of me.  I put myself first and I'm healthier for it.    I'm happy when I do take the time to do what makes me happy.  I plan to keep focusing on that and taking the time to ensure I'm doing stupid stuff that I like to do - not BUYING the things I want to buy.  There is a big difference in the satisfaction shelf life.  Buying something is fun at first, and I certainly enjoy buying what I want, but DOING the things that make me happy lasts much longer and I recall it and think about it more than a new outfit, expensive make up, or the latest whatever.  The issue of death is just coming up in my life for whatever reason and it's making me appreciate and recognize when things are good.

Hey, wait.....Is that what middle age is?!? Eeek!

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Diagnosis: Hiatal hernia

Had another endoscopy yesterday.  I learned that I have a hiatal hernia and a polyp that needs to be surgically repaired.  UGH!

I did the research and the procedure looks like it's not so much fun.  I'm very concerned about the recovery process.  Surgery means 2 days in the hospital and you have to be on a liquid diet for about a week and slowly introduce solid foods back into your diet over the following 6 weeks or so.

I'm going to go get a second opinion from a lap band doctor just to make myself feel better.  I'll learn more details in the next few weeks after I go back to the doctor to learn more.

Good news is my weight is hanging around 182 which is great.  I've been picking up the pace on walking more and was considering joining Pure Barre, but now that I have this possible surgery and long recovery, I'm not sure I want to spend so much money on that.  I'm picking up and doing more yoga classes and meditating more.

The weather has been awesome lately and I hope all of you are out there enjoying it!  Hope you moms out there off all kinds (human and animal) have a great Mother's Day!
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