Apparently the band seems to be working for me...

Create your own FACEinHOLE

I've become a supermodel overnight!  Yeah, I showed this to my husband and he was quiet for a moment, then he laughed, then he asked me to email it to him......mmm hmmmm.
Oh it was fun to make it.....I laughed so hard.  All my daughter said was "MOM - Look at your BUTT!"

Just like all of you - my heart goes out to Barbara

 I can never begin to imagine what she is going through.  My heart goes out to Barbara and her family.  So many of you who know her well and even met her in Chicago - have said so many eloquent things on your blogs.  I wanted to take a moment and post something because I love to see on the side of so many blogs  - where we all have the list and snippits of the blogs we follow- a long list of blogs who are mentioning her and thinking of her.  That's really a sweet tribute in itself.

Her husband's battle resonates with me personally b/c it reminds me of my father's battle with cancer.  The ups and downs, the roller coaster of  being hopeful one moment and being crushed the next, trying to trust the doctors only to realize they're only guessing most of the time.  Watching someone you love get weak and wanting to help them but not being able to and watching strong and proud man go through so much is heartbreaking.  My father died of skin cancer  - not melanoma - he had what most people think is an innocent cancer - simple squamous cell carcinoma that many people get burned off their noses, or lips, or forearms when its over exposed to the sun.  The doctors could never explain it, they didn't know exactly what was going on and why.  He passed away very young, at 55.  Losing my father was more than devastating.  I can't imagine losing my husband.

What I do know is the kindness of others and the thoughtful gestures made all the difference.  I wish I could have expressed to others just how much it meant to me so they would understand my gratitude- I was just so overwhelmed and exhausted from grief that I know I never expressed it properly.  That's why I want you all to know that all that you are doing really is comforting her in a small yet very significant way.  This blogging community is really an amazing group of wonderful people.  And like all of you - all my thoughts and prayers go out to her.

205.5 today - that's 5.5lbs in 3 weeks!

Woo hoooo!!!

Scale not moving but I'm figuring things out

First, I don't think I've mentioned it before, but I sometimes get consumer test products to test /provide feedback to companies --  and guess what arrived today for our family to test?  

Goldfish soft brownie cookies.  Why did it have to be chocolate?!

I also had another pkg waiting for me - I purchased a goal bathing suit from Lands End!  Its a great terracotta color for me (when I'm tan - not now when I'm basically transparent, I'm so white!)  When I get a little bit of color it will look nice.  I want to wear it on our tropical trip in June.   **I can't seem to get the picture to work so I'll have to take a pic and post it later.

So, onto how things are going with the band...

I really am figuring this thing out!  I keep going back to something Gen commented on my recent posts and I also know she's talked about on her blog before.

Its this:  Don't test the band to see how much can eat, test it to see how little you can eat and still not be hungry.

I've been taking this approach and its definitely helping me.  Its a paradigm shift - for sure.  But all this time I've subconsciously and consciously thinking about this band and how its supposed to limit me from eating, looking for fills to limit how much I'm eating, testing the band to see how much I can get away with comfortably.  Instead this week, I'm seeing how little I can get away with and still be balanced and healthy and not feel hungry.  Some nights are better than others - but I feel more calm about it all.  I'm not feeling that desperate feeling of limitation.  

I did weigh myself today - I'm 207.5.  I wanted to see a loss but I've had a head cold and haven't been consistent with exercising and I did go out last night for drinks after work with the girls.  So I'm ok with it.  And I feel good about continuing forward with my new mental approach to the band.  

Such great advice - thank you!

You all have given me both a lot to think about and quite a bit of great advice.  I can't tell you how much I appreciate and have learned from everyone's feedback on my last post.  I have to say that I've recognized that I really was using my band to try to stop me from eating.  I was also eating when I wasn't hungry.  I was eating b/c I wanted to eat not because I needed to eat.

I'm still able to eat as much as I want - but I need to pay attention to when I'm actually full.  I go too fast and I'm not pausing and listening.  I've gotten much better based on all the GREAT GREAT feedback.  Every single comment from each person really make me think - I honestly believe I've had a misunderstanding about how I'm supposed to feel all this time.  I really expected it to limit me - not limit myself - if that makes any sense.  And the funny thing is, the reason I held off getting fills for so long is because I was afraid of the band limiting me from eating what I wanted at the time.  I really thought that certain foods were something I'd have to give up forever. 

I need to continue to work out just how much I'm able to eat vs. how much I should be eating.  I'm sticking very closely to 1100 calories daily without much trouble, able to eat anything (yep pizza et all!), and as I'm realizing - this is the place I'm supposed to be in.  I need to reel in the portion control and I've been successful at that the last few days.

The scale is stuck at 207.5 as of this morning - I'm hoping to see a drop on my weekly weigh in on Friday.  I have a cold that's making me a bit fatigued - but I'll be over it soon enough!

I need to catch up on my runs - I've skipped a few the last couple of days and went to bed early.  I'll be back on track tomorrow!

Thank you again everyone - I've learned so very much from you!!!  

Well, this ISN'T it...

Well, I've given it a few days and it turns out my recent fill, then unfill, leaving me with a net .3ccs added to my band just isn't the sweet spot I'd been hoping for.  After 3 nights of horrendous reflux to the point that I was waking every 30 mins to an hour choking on acid,  I know I did the right thing by getting a small unfill of only .2ccs.  I'm just disappointed that what I've been adjusted to last week really isn't the place I wanted to be.

The new pattern seems to be that I'm tight in the a.m. (I was before this fill also) and by lunchtime - I can eat pretty much whatever I want.  By dinnertime - forget it - I actually ate a slice of pizza the other night. How can only .2 cc's - that's POINT TWO cc's make me go from sleepless acid filled nights to basically letting me eat what I want?  I'm at 2.5ccs in a 4cc band now.

I've done well, I've not allowed myself to get away with eating everything and anything in sight.  I have tested the band a few times, however,  just to try to learn what I could and couldn't do.  Maybe that's a mistake - I'm not sure why I test the limits of the band.  I guess I just want to understand better what restriction is supposed to feel like and I understand it to feel like I did in the first few days of this last fill.  It felt then like I could eat a smaller but reasonable portion, feel contentedly full on that smaller portion, but not so full that I'm miserable and slime or PB.  

I'm craving chocolate and carbs again.  I know if I give in, it just leads down that endless loop of wanting  more.  It reminds me of a documentary on cocaine addition I watched the other night.  Like a coke addict, it takes more and more of the stuff to get the same high because the body adjusts to it.  It seems to takes more and more chocolate and carbs to make me happy.  Only, I'm never really satisfied - I'm just driven to eat more of the stuff.  An endless loop!   I am going to figure out how to minimize it b/c I don't subscribe to the idea that we should never have chocolate or carbs!  That would be terrible! :)

I'm doing well with exercise.  Staying strong and being consistent!  I will work tonight on my lunches for next week.  I'm going to plan them out and pack them in the freezer or fridge so I don't misstep this week on the food front.  I have some gumbo made with turkey sausage already in the freezer, I'll make some tuna salad, and pre-cut some veggies.  It makes such a difference to pre-cut veggies and have them ready to go!  I also already have dinners planned for the week - its essential in my house b/c of the kids and the lack of time when I get home in the evenings!

I hope you all have a great week this week!

I hope this is it

Again, all you smart, experienced women were RIGHT!  After  I literally could eat ANYTHING including soft pretzels after the unfill on Thursday I felt some restriction yesterday.  I am still worried that I took too much out or perhaps the Dr misunderstood me and took out more than I asked b/c I could literally eat anything.  But yesterday, I was tight all day - I had coffee for bfast, V8 for snack, and when I tried to eat some Lentil soup for lunch I just couldn't eat much.  I was on the verge of the foamies - you know what I mean?  When you feel like you have foam in your throat?  Anyway - I went out with the girls last night and was a little worried I would have trouble eating,  I ordered the tuna sashimi and a Champagne Lemon Drop Martini.  The sashimi was slow going but after a while I was able to eat.  It was SO good!  And a clean, healthy protein.  I could feel it move pretty quickly through my band.  I didn't overdo it - I had one battered Shrimp, a little bit of cheese off a margarita pizza, and a few bites of a quesadilla.  I could have eaten more but I stopped.

So, I have no idea if I'm really restricted or not.  I couldn't really eat much during the day yesterday but last night I could have eaten almost anything I wanted.  I'm taking all of your advice and just waiting it out....

Oh - and I got on the scale, I'm 207.8 so I gained back the water from being a little dehydrated.  I'm disappointed for not being at 206 - I swear - with the small amount I actually ate last week, you'd think I would have made it!  

I'll be working out today and tomorrow b/c I missed Thu and Fri.  I'm up to 3 mins running and I'm feeling good about it.  

DH and I have the night free tonight!  We're going on a date (kids are spending the night at their Aunt's) so that will be fun!  No spending in January means we're using one of the many gift cards we need to use up!  I have so many of them - its crazy - so we're focused on using what we ALREADY HAVE! :)  Its going really well so far.

In the spirit of no spending in January, I found a way around using our $$ and instead used a Gift Card.  Yesterday, I had a promotional gift card to Williams Sonoma (you got so much credit in $ for increments spent before Christmas and I buy a lot of gifts there!) so I bought this:

It was rated as one of the top 10 gadgets last year and my kids LOVE Popsicles!  So this allows you to make them yourself and even make healthier versions with real fruit, yogurt and not so much sugar.   It has gotten a lot of really good reviews - but I'll let you know if it really works when we try it out with the kids. 

I can't wait to catch up on your blogs out there!